Zombies love coffee!

Who doesn't. Well.. I guess the British, but they are weird anyways. I have to admit that I absolutely love coffee. I like it hot and I like it cold. Like all other zombies, I follow the very complex etiquette that is used when ordering my cup of java. Also I am willing to pay a stupid amount of money to get the satisfaction to enjoy a good coffee. I am a sucker for this beverage and I am not a vampire!

Who could imagine that this bean discovered by a looking-for-an-adiction Ethiopian goat was going to be the origin of this zombie-like addiction. Stupid goat... its its fault that I have to spend the money that I don't have to satisfy my need for coffee. And I am blaming the goat (which we will name Federico for lack of a better name) and not its owner, Mr. Kaldi, because he just did what all goat owners do... try whatever your goat tries and eat whatever your goat eats. If you don't like this fact, then buy a cow.

Then, of course, everybody wanted to imitate the happy coffee bean eating goat. They wanted to be as happy as the goat was... In Mecca they decided to make money out of this happiness promise by opening the first Coffee Houses, called Stargoats. I believe the name didn't catch up, but the beverage did, so by the 1950's you could buy an expensive cup of java for the atrocity of 10 cents (up 100% from the 40's already high price). What a ripoff!

Why do zombies are willing to pay up to 6 bucks for this heavenly drink?, you will ask. Easy... we are zombies. We don't know better. A real zombie can not walk around without a non-reciclable cup in its hands. We would just look unfitting. And we don't want that.

Acting as a good zombie, I go to the nearest Starbucks (place your favourite Coffee House name here) and try to order a medium latte. It is not an easy task due to the fact that they don't use the same language than zombies use.

If I want a LARGE coffee, I must ask for a "Venti" which some zombies believe means twenty. They DO NOT sell LARGE, they sell VENTI.

If I want a MEDIUM coffee I must ask for a GRANDE,  which can create confusion between some zombies who believe that GRANDE means BIG and not medium (ignorant zombies).

And if I want to order a SMALL coffee, I must ask for a TALL as they don't want you to feel robbed by providing you with a tinny cup and charge you 4 bucks and calling it "small"...

You would say... if you don't like the lingo then don't go there!... sure it is easy to say. I need to belong and I do what zombies do, even if it means paying 6 bucks for something that costs 50 to 80 cents to produce. If I was wrong then there wouldn't be more than 17,000 Starbucks in 50 Countries full of zombies like me. I can not imagine that there are that many brainless coffee drinkers that just follow a goat's addiction. Can they?