Wiki-leaks

I don't know why zombies living in what we call "developed countries" like to think that corruption only happens in "third world countries". All the fuzz about the Wiki-leaks (not to be mistaken with Zombie-leaks as that is when our bladders fail) is out of proportion. Corruption happens all over the planet. It's a zombie thing. We love secrets, under the table deals and good deals, legal or not.

Any well respected government that is doing business as usual will resource to secret deals, name calling and lying. That is their job. Our job is to pay taxes and obey. That is what zombies must do.

Titanic's REAL story. Conspiracy Theories

As you well know, most zombies have been around for a long long time (we are destroyed only in the movies). Because of that, we know a lot of stuff as we have witnessed the real deal. That is the case of Titanic's fate. You have been told a lie. This is what really happened:


Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars ofthe condiment scheduled for delivery in Veracruz, México, which was to bethe next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.


This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise everdelivered to México. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to NewYork. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.The people of México, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, ofcourse, as Sinko de Mayo. 


The picture shows a society woman raising money to buy more mayonnaise to be shipped to México in 1912. So you know.

The Real Deal Chocolate Ice Cream

Some zombies are wealthy and some are poor. Some have good taste and some don't ( I know...shocking, eh) I really don't know what poor zombies like or what are the things they can afford and which ones they can't. I will investigate, promise. What I can tell you is that I will be enjoying Scotch & chocolate gelato made of the 2nd highest rated scotch in the world, with a 58% alcohol content and Michael Cluziel's chocolate.

The release of this heavenly treat is tomorrow and it will cost $100.00 a litre and they will only produce 100 litres, that is, a limited edition. I love limited editions... they make me feel...special.

I would tell you where the event is, but I feel that that information will just make you feel like you want to just go and see, which is uncomfortable for me. I like my privacy.

For all of you who can't afford this culinary creation, there is always Dairy Queen.

Zombies from Spain get a little help

As you well know, zombies have no sense of orientation (we use Google Maps) so most of the times we just wonder around looking like we are lost (actually we are). Also zombies have, let's call it, "needs", so sometimes we resource to hire prostitutes. The question here is to know which female zombie is a prostitute and which one is not.  Hard to tell for a zombie -remember we eat brains...not the same as having brains-.

It just happens that lucky zombies from Lleida (city in Spain) now can easily differentiate prostitutes from non-prostitutes as the city has mandated that all the ones that are "in the business" must wear a fluorescent coloured jacket to make them visible at all times. This is intended to prevent road accidents, although by fluke it is helping zombies to identify them easily. Thanks Lleida!

Alaska-Nebraska

Zombies have no sense of orientation nor we know the difference between South and North. For us Alaska and Nebraska sounds the same. Who cares. My good old friend Sarah Palin just got a (another) zombie-disorientation moment. North Korea-South Korea. Who cares, that is why we have Google Maps.

How to Make Zombie Babies I

Sometimes zombies forget how to make babies, so our good friends from IKEA have provided us with clear-easy-to-follow instructions. Not all zombies follow this method though... I will post other options later on.

Rock Climbing Zombies

Zombies and rock climbing don't mix. Look what happened to Aron Ralston... back in 2004 he was rock climbing (mistake number one) in...Utah (mistake number two), all alone and by himself (mistake number three) when we was pinned by a boulder and his arm got stuck with no way to free it. After 127 hours of deliberation he decided to cut his arm off... with a two dollar blunt knife. 44 minutes later he had performed surgery, chopped his arm off... and was ready to climb down and go home.

If you want to enjoy such adventure you can watch (hopefully 3D) a movie called 127 hours, directed by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting and Slumdog Millionare). If you don't remember the movie name just ask for "two tickets for the movie about the guy who cuts his arm off".

Most zombies dislike rock climbing because... fear of loosing a limb. Believe it or not.

From the Zombie Book of Knowledge III

 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. 

Zombies get organized

Its about time. After centuries of just walking around looking  like dead people, we have decided to get organized so we can get better wages, work conditions, copy-right our names and images and... cheap bus fares and discounts at the local fast food chains.

We have created LOCOZ (Local Organization for Concerned Optimistic Zombies). LOCOZ will bring balance to the force. Please contact your local office to enrol. You can leave here your name and email and one representative will contact you as soon as possible, or you can call our 1800 number (1800YOUBECHAIAMAZOMBIE) to enroll.

It's Alive...He is alive...!!!!

YES. Michael Jackson is releasing a new album called Hold My Hand, which includes soon to be super seller songs with famous people like...Akon (?) and Lenny Kraviz (??). To make it more appealing they have included songs with titles like "Monster" and "Keep your Head Up".

I am dying (funny..."dying") to buy the CD. We all zombies are very supportive of each other. When dead people sing, you MUST listen. That is the rule.

When a zombie loves sandwiches

When we like something...we really do, like a fellow zombie from New Heaven, who was shot twice after buying a sandwich at a deli and went home to eat his delicious treat before going to the hospital.

He said that he was leaving the deli when he heard three gunshots. One bullet hit him in the left leg and another in the groin. He finished his sandwich at home and then asked his father to take him to the hospital so someone would take care of his injures.

What is a mystery is the contents of the sandwich. No arrests have been reported.

Zombie Humor

Zombie Strippers ... The Movie

When we all thought that great cinema was dead... this movie comes to light. Step aside Coppola, Allen and all others...this is how you make movies, the rest is junk.

If you are a minor... don't watch the trailer... you might get ideas... and if you did watched the trailer ask your parents about these zombie activities, they will be pleased to have a chat with you.

Zombies love Saving

Some zombies like to save (go figure) and some of us do it with style even though the Winnipeg Humane Society is not happy about it.
Thanks to the immense creativity and good taste of our friends from thecheeky.com zombies can now save they hard earned money using what they call "the piggy bank of all piggy banks", which is made of a real piglet that has been taxidermied and inserted with what all piglets probably dream of as babies... a coin storage unit and a cork plug".


These money making creative zombies want $4,000 US for this environmentally friendly piggy bank. Also they claim that the piglets died of natural causes (oh, thanks God!).


Knowing my reading base I know that you are dying (funny..."dying") to get one. Do it now and you will get your amazing piggy bank for Christmas ... 2011, as it takes 12 months to make one of this guys.... start ordering!

Zombie Ad

Others use the internet, Tweeter, FaceBook...some are old fashion. We are hungry.

We All Know One....

I am telling you....

A Zombie Master Misrepresented

There is no doubt that Darth Vader is one of the most famous zombies of all times. Made zombie at a young age, he has given great popularity to our kind. If you want to talk power and presence ... this is your zombie.

Now, a fellow Japanese zombie-look-a-like wants to combine Darth's image with Hello Kitty. It is not only sad, its misrepresentation!

Zombies and Cars

There are Three kinds of zombies. The ones who really really like cars and they like to drive the fanciest, fastest more comfortable they can afford (and if they can not afford them, they dream about them)... then the ones who like them but don't want to acknowledge it -they live on denial- and those born to ride in public transit. I feel for them.