Do Zombies Have Values?

Of course we do. Zombies have high values, foe example we sell our left arm for around $10,00 US -in working order- and our right arm for approximately $25,000 US. We also sell our legs, eyes and all other body parts.

What we never did, until recently, was to sell our basic organs (liver, heart, kidneys, etc), but a young fellow in China just sold one of his kidneys so he could buy...an iPad!. Sadly know I am getting offers for my kidneys too. I guess everybody and everything has a price.

What Ever Happened to Darth Vader?

With this double dip recession, even zombies have been hit hard. No jobs. Way back then I told Darth "you should save some money" and "try to negotiate a pension with George"... he did not listen. Sadly this is his new job.

Do Zombies Understand Globalization?

I love when my readers ask me profound and meaningful questions like this one. I got this question about our understanding about globalization...Globalization is something that we understand truthfully. To us Globalizations is, tragically, Princess Diana death.

Because of your inferior intelligence, I will explain:

An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor using Brazilian medicines.You are reading this because is posted by a Canadian-Mexican zombie, using Steve Jobs' technology and you are reading this on your computer that uses Taiwanese chips and Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian long horsemen and trucked to you by illegal Mexican workers.

All questions are welcomed.

Zombies and Duck Tape

Duck tape is a very important item for zombies. We use duck tape for everything!

Without duck tape we wouldn't be able to attach some parts to our bodies. At the beginning we tried to use doctors to attach loose limbs and different body parts. They didn't want to cooperate (doctors beware, you all are in our black list)...so we resourced to duck tape. Zombies love duck tape.

Also zombies love TRON...the original movie -not the stupid re-make they just released-. The perfect combo: duck tape and Tron. Happy happy happy.

Zombies, Alens and Robots Chart

Stop harassing me!
There are many many ways to explain the relationship between Vampires, Aliens, Emos, Ni-nis, Robots, Therapists, Bankers and so on... as I am a compassionate zombie, I will use  some time of my busy schedule to educate you all.
This is Chart number one. It easily explains the relationship between Aliens, Robots and Zombies. Soon I will post Chart 2...
Your welcome!

Zombies Ain't Cheaters!

You can say a lot of bad things when referring to zombies. Yes, we are hungry all the time. Yes, we look a bit odd (who doesn't?). Yes, we are missing some body parts...but something we are not is CHEATERS!.

So next time, please make sure that when you see a creature copying...identify the subject: most likely is an Emo or a Vampire- wannabe (vampires are cheaters by nature).

I Love Mall Signs

I went to the Mall yesterday and there was this sign. I believe that is only fair to be advised where I am , as usually I get lost very easily.

Ia Zombie Without a Penis a Zombie?

I was reading the news today and I found the following article. This misguided fellow has lost his penis and is complaining. I have lost half my original body parts and still I am a happy zombie (but still I have the original penis -I think-)....as usual is all about point of view, perspective they call it.

To have or not to have, that is the question.

US trucker's penis

 amputated

 'during circumcision'

Phillip Seaton says his penis was removed during what was supposed to have been a circumcision to treat inflammation four years ago.

A truck driver in Kentucky whose penis was amputated during an operation is suing the surgeon, claiming it was done without his consent.

Dr John Patterson says he amputated because he found life-threatening cancer during the operation.

The Seatons have already sued Jewish Hospital, where the surgery took place.

The facility settled out of court for an undisclosed amount.

'Loss of service'

Mr Seaton and his wife, Deborah, are suing Dr Patterson for damages.

On Monday, Mr Seaton's lawyer told jurors during opening arguments in the civil case in Shelbyville, Kentucky, that his client no longer felt like a man.

"He's angry because Dr Patterson took off his penis without asking; without giving him a choice; without giving him the opportunity to check around and talk to other people," Mr George was quoted by Associated Press news agency as telling the court.

The lawyer, Kevin George, said Dr Patterson had never given any indication before the 2007 procedure that Mr Seaton was suffering from cancer.

He showed jurors four photographs of Mr Seaton's crotch, saying: "You can see there's nothing there."

Clay Robinson, a lawyer for Dr Patterson, said his client had only removed the tip of the penis after he had found cancer.

He also contends that Mr Seaton had signed a document authorising necessary treatment in unforseen circumstances.

He said another doctor had later removed the rest of the organ.

"Mr Seaton is here today, able to be in this courtroom... because John Patterson saved his life," Mr Robinson said.

Mr Seaton and his wife are seeking unspecified damages for "loss of service, love and affection".

Do Zombies Smoke?

Actually we do. It is a healthy habit. Way back then, I was a very skinny quite whitish young zombie. I was always sick. One day my mom decided that I needed something to bring back my health. She suggested cigarets. I did not know better...

In matter of weeks, my asthma disappeared !!!... now it was a healthy bronchitis. I could see my mom was wright. I forgot completely about my asthma. I had bigger fish to fry.

Nowadays I am as unhealthy as it can get. I am a happy zombie. Thanks mom.

Zombies have an Eye for Subliminal

Zombies have the ability to see beyond what humans do. Just a quick glance and we are able to see hidden messages, which are not visible to vulgar creatures, like humans.

I was re-watching one of my favourite movies, The Silence of The Lambs, and I noticed that there is more in the poster image than I noticed before. The skull on the moth is Dali's work photographed by Halsman... I love subliminal images.

From The Book Of Knowledge MMIV

Female zombies marry thinking that he will change one day in the future. Male zombies marry thinking that she will never change. Both are very wrong.

Male Zombies Read Playboy!

Zombies are not much into reading, but Playboy is an exception for male zombies. Our tendency is to watch TV, go to the movies and sporting events (some odd zombies like to read, though...outcasts mostly). What makes Playboy different -for us- is that the articles are very interesting. That's why we read it.

Zombies are not looters!

As everybody knows, zombies love crowds...but the right kind of crowds. What happened last week (and the week prior to that one) must not be confused with a zombie gathering. Zombies ain't looters!

We love to be in large groups because of the ambiance, the fun, the energy, but there is no way in hell we would take anything that is not ours -except brains-. Hooligans!

I Miss Batman...

I miss him quite a bit. I am dying (funny) to watch the new Batman movie (The Dark Night Rises)...but no sign to see it just yet. Why do I miss him that much?...don't know really. All begun with an interesting weekend at Brokebak Mountain. Green lantern was looking to come out of the closet and so was Batman.

With contemporary pop culture, Glee and all those stupid vampire movies...I guess it was about time Batman did his part. I am so much into Batman nowadays...

Does the World Economic Problems Affect Zombies?

No, they don't. Zombies are very careful when it comes down to money. We are not big spenders and we have the tendency to save and save. In this world economic turmoil I do what I believe its best to maintain my economic status and guard all the loot that I have guarded for so many years. I invest all my money in gold.

This is a picture of where I keep my gold.  I won't tell you where is located, but it is solid gold. It gives me the pleasure of growing my finances and driving as fast as it can be. I am a smart zombie.

Zombie Likes Cookies

I do. I found these at the local market. Somehow they got my attention, I just don't know why. I call them afro-cookies. Zombie likes cookies.

From The Book of Knowledge CXXI

Live each and every day as if it was the last day of your life. One day you will be right.

I feel balanced, energetic and positive!!

Even though I was in such bad shape last week and my mood was on the floor, today I feel EXCELLENT. I feel full of energy, positive, energetic and my balance is quite amazing.

How did I achieve such change in such short time you might ask?

Easy. On the weekend I went with the wife to the Mall. In there there was this cart that was selling some strange bracelets  what we know now are called ENERGY BANDS. The guy got the wife's attention and sooner than she could say no, she was asked to stand on one feet and extend her arms. Even though she looked quite silly (more than usual) ... she did. Then the guy pushed her arm down and she lost her balance. Then he proceeded to place this artifact on her wrist and asked to do the same again. This time he could not make her loose her balance even though he was pushing harder.

He did couple more experiments on her, using the band and without. Her performance was very high using the magic band. Incredible.

For mere $59.00 (US) we could get one piece of the latest technology in our hands!... so... we decided to buy not one, not two, but 20, so we could use ours and give away to our friends and family. We are good people.

How does this incredible artifact works?... we were explained that it contains a mix of ultra high end newly discovered materials and nano particles that absorbs the negative energy and radiation around us. Developed by NASA we were told.

Now we are so happy. Our lives have improved so much thanks to technology. Today I am a well balanced, energetic and a radiation free zombie.

Sometimes I Feel I Need To Be Loved!

It is a fact. Zombies need love too. I don't see the reason why all other creatures can be loved but us. For example...vampires (stupid disgusting creepy creatures, no offence). There are a bunch of books, movies and TV series about love and vampires. Why can't we inspire love?

I am depressed. I need some warm fuzzy love. Promise not to eat your brains...promise (well, kind of... must creatures are brainless as a principle). If you are interested in a loving warm flesh eating love, just drop a note. I will consider all offers.

Loosing my Eyesight II (now in 3D)

After the panic situation yesterday, I decided to become the first zombie ever to do something about it. I went to the pharmacy to get a prescription for the only medicine I know...brains. They refused. Stupid pharmacists. I guess now I have to go and get a new set of eyes...laser surgery?...who knows I will figure it out.

I am getting blind!!!

Last Saturday I went for a walk with the wife (the wife took me to a walk, really). To my surprise I have discovered that I am loosing my sight!... I will be blind as a bat sooner that I can think of. I am terrified. To make sure I was not just panicking, I decided to take a picture. It is true... I start seeing pixilated. The horror.

Zombie Etiquette Rules VIII

A real zombie MUST help his hosts after dinner. He must offer to clear the table, wash the dishes or teach them to cook.

You Must Be Patient with Zombies

If a zombie is hungry he can hardly think of anything else but food. You must be patient...eventually we are great conversationalists.