My Zombie Resolutions for 2014

New Year's is not a great day for zombies as we hate noise, crowds -they are scary-, music and....fireworks. Drinking is fine but we don't need a Human Celebration to do so.

Every year I do my resolutions for the following year...and I never accomplish anything, so this year I decided to be more realistic knowing that maybe I will do some of them:

1. Start washing my hands after I use the restroom. Faucets are more disgusting than the can.
2. Clean my behind after going to the toilet. People are complaining than zombies smell...
3. Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth. I will drink coke instead.
4. Stop licking my genitals. They are getting a bit...wet and moldy
5. Only get divorced and remarried once this year.
6. Watch more movie remakes, follow up movies (where is Rocky X?), and Cable TV...just because I love repetition, yes I love repetition, repetition is good, repetition...
7. Advise my son to go back to school to avoid paying his student loans.He can study History of Marilyn Monroe, Fried Eggs 101 -again as he failed last year-, etc
8. Only eat only stupid and annoying people's brains. This year I almost die of starvation.
9. Keep it to myself that I have trouble with authority when I'm being confronted by humans holding a machete or a machine gun.
10. Spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year. Zombies LOVE coffee. Instead I'll go to the nearest Pub or Bar or Cantina or Liquor Store...
11. Claim all my friend's wives as dependents on my taxes.

And I have more...it just happens that I'm hungry and it's time for braiiiiiiiins!