In Search of My Brain IV

The saga continues. I can't find my brain. I have looked everywhere. On my way back from Afghanistan I decided to accept my friend Ahem Achu's wedding invitation. It was a great party.

The way I see it, he is a smart man. He married an eleven year old girl (in exchange for two cows, a goat and 14 chickens, which is more than what I paid for my wife). He will be able to train her in the fine art of marriage and obedience. A must in a male zombie's life.

Pocahontas and Avatar...two of the same?

Some think that zombies are not that smart but some notice these kind of things. Go figure

Zombies: a sustainable solution to life

There is no doubt that zombies are the best and most sustainable solution to life. We are as recyclable as it can be. As an alternative to life -and death- I suggest you try to be a zombie (try it, just for a day) and you will see how you will never come back to your old boring life.

By the way, by doing this post via internet I have saved 4 trees, 13,153 litres of water, 199 Kg of waste, 518 Kg CO, 6 Kj of electricity and 2 kg NOX. You can't argue...I am as sustainable as it can be.

Fundraiser to buy Obama a a new car...

As promised, I went to Dublin to look for Obama's advise on the wife's plan to get rid of me using -gasp- plants. He promised to have a coffee with me after a business visit to an embassy. The meeting didn't happen because he lost his car ("the beast") at the embassy's entrance.

As he is a good friend of mine, I am doing a fundraiser to buy him a new car. Please send your donations to Obamaneedsacarfundraiser.com. So far I have raised $0.00

Do Zombies Smell?

I have to admit that we do, that is why we are moving to use AXE, as it not only has the benefits of smelling good (I guess) but it also attracts females. Zombies like that. I am buying a case lot.

She is Trying to Kill Me!

I guess the wife has discovered my plans to get rid of her (because of the pillow incident) and now she is trying to get ahead of me and already she is doing some strategic plans to kill me. Very scary stuff. I just discovered that she got yesterday some sort of strategic planing software to learn how to send me to a better place.

This is time for action. I don't have much time left. I am calling Obama right now.

Letters to The Zombie. Thirsty for Love

Dear Zombie:

I love my husband a lot and we have been married for more than 25 years, but lately he does not want to have sex anymore. I am not sure if he doesn't love me anymore or if he is having an affair. What should I do?

Thirsty for love

Dear Thirsty for love:

This is not a love problem, its a physical issue. Your husband has what we call "dried out syndrome". My suggestion is to look for another man to satisfy your "needs" and keep the husband for company.

Russian iPhone 4S

My friend Dimitri just got his iPhone 4S in Russia. He likes it a lot, although I think he is a bit addicted to it. Either way I want one.

Famous Last Words I

My brakes are fine....

Why Zombies are Not Enthusiastic?

We can't help it. Its just too much effort. Who cares.

How do you know if you are a zombie?

Becoming a zombie is not an easy task, and many of us don't realize that we have become a zombie until very late in the game. To start with, when you become a zombie you will notice some changes in your lifestyle, for example, you will start eating all sorts of things that you never imagined you would eat (a lot of them quite disgusting); you will find that your home environment will change dramatically and that the house will never look the way you used to like it. A lot of your belongings will be trashed and replaced with funny and estrange items.

There are many changes to write them in one post, but other one that comes to mind is that you will notice a big change on the way you dress. Suddenly you will be wearing clothing that used to make you laugh and your old clothing will go to the dump.

If you think about it, feels a lot like marriage.

Can Zombies Talk to The Dead?

Oh...suuure we do. Usually I use my Blackberry to talk to them, but also I use my Ouija Board. Dead people like to tweet nowadays also. Just add the name of the deceased on your tweet list and they will show up. Interesting stuff they have to say.

I got a New Job!

As I like to be a productive member of society, I decided to get a new job. Something productive and fun. The hours are great and I have benefits. Also I don't have to be behind a desk all day, which I find boring.

Are All Zombies Meat Eaters?

Nope. Some weirdos are vegetarian. I think inside of them there is this secret desire of eating meat, that is why this kind of adds (I like ribs, though)...

Where is Hillary?

I used to play Where is Waldo, now I play Where is Hillary. One must go with the times...

From The Book of Knowledge XIX

Don't drink and bike. You might spill your beer

Can You Kill a Zombie by Starvation?

Good luck with that idea. Zombies have covered all their bases to survive, even past 2012. We have built
a vault in Svalbard, a remote island archipelago north of Norway, with the idea of storing the zombie's future food supply in case of catastrophe.

We built it 426 feet under the mountain's surface and we are filling it out with 4.5 million frozen seed samples from more than 100 countries. No flesh there, though, so we will have to get by by eating other forms of protein. Remember, zombie does not eat zombie and we know that most humans will be contaminated. We are visionaries.

Looking for A New Wife Part III

I am still upset and hurt because of the pillow incident, therefore I am still looking for a replacement for the wife. As zombies are technology geeks -we absolutely love technology- I believe this could be a great candidate. I can even kiss my techno-wife long distance.  God knows the kissing tricks I can program my techno-wife to do.....

I think they are working on the remote-sex part. This looks promising.

Zombie Calendar Girls. Miss Airport Calendar Girl for May

Zombies are always busy and we keep a very detailed itinerary in our calendars. This year I am using my Airport's Girl 2011 Calendar. Sexy, eh?

You Need Two to Tango...almost always

Zombies like to tango. The problem is that it takes two to tango, and, as you know, we are shy. That is why I think this girl is into something. There is hope for us to tango.

Male Zombie Etiquette Rule Number 78

If a zombie likes a female zombie who is already going out with another zombie, don't fight for her. Share her.

Obama...Osama?

That is the problem of not being named George or John.

How do You Know When a Zombie is Dead?

You can never be 100% sure. Some zombies are still alive when considered 99.9% dead. True.

Superman... not American anymore?

Shocking. It's like saying that apple pie or root beer are not American. Why did Superman did this to us?...is it because we are zombies?