From The Book of Knowledge MMXI

It's important to have a lawyer present when you draft a living will, as it makes the desire to be dead that much tangible.

How to Know if Your Wife Has Gained Weight Without Asking VI

Take her on a vacation, then go and bathe in the sun. When leaving, check the marks of her body on the sun bed... if they look like this, she IS fat (time to leave her, strike one)

What NOT to do When You Go to the Zoo XC

It is advisable not o sit on the crocodiles... they get a bit upset (and hungry).

Life is a Rehersal

Zombies dislike to do improv. We try, as much as we can, to rehearse everything. That way, we know that things will go 100% the way we planned.

In the picture, from Jimmy Carter's archives -yep, the president-, is a rehearsal of the Apollo Moon landing. No rumours, no conspiracies ...they were just doing a rehearsal .

Zombies Are Procrastinators!

This is the chart that basically explains what I do with my spare time, which is most of the time.

A Priest, a Soldier and a Child go into a bar...

Really?
I can't seem to understand how in the world this combo can become a movie blockbuster. Based on 1% reality and 99% lies, like most movies, this one is the story of a Rambo-like self-proclaimed priest who goes into a killing spree to free children. If I got it right, killing is a good thing only if you are doing it under God's commands. Did I get it right?

Will Zombies Ever Get Extinct?

No way Jose. We learn from other creature's mistakes. We take great care of our activities and never act in a self destructive manner. For one, I never get even near a shovel...if I get hungry and no brains are around, I go to Walmart and buy some Spam -it tastes like brains-.

Signs of The Time. The Church's Effect

Sometimes when I am driving I see some signs that I find interesting. This one outside of a Catholic (fundamentalist) Church. And they say God has no humour....

Do Zombies Get Sick?

Yes we do, why not. The only difference is that we don't die as faulty humans do. Also when zombies get sick, we get very very grumpy. So stop bothering me right now. Go and watch some porn on the net or something. Today I am sick.

Marketing is Everything

I am convinced about it. Try it. Do ANYTHING, really, ANYTHING, no matter how weird it is. Give it a cool fascinating name and people will react as if you were doing the greatest thing on earth.

True.

Martin Solo

I was in Washington last week to see the new Martin Luther King Memorial. When I got there I was shock!... they have placed Martin Luther in.... carbonite!!!!!

A kid that was next to me asked his father: why did they put Lando Calrissian in carbonite?

I am sure George Lucas is about to sue.

Memories From My Childhood I

One is not born a zombie...you become a zombie. With that in mind, I want to share some of my most memorable and valuable memories from when I was a child.

I will start with Sesame Street. That was not the first TV show I watched as a kid, but surely enough it game me great memories. I remember asking myself about the relationship between Bert and Ernie and counting with Von Count. No violence, just good intended TV.

From The Book of Knowledge XV

All your future depends on your dreams. Don't waste time!, go to sleep right away!

Apollo 17 Landing Photos Conspiracy Theory XXX

According to NASA, they just have unveiled new detailed photos of the Apollo 17 Moon Landing Site. As a good zombie I highly doubt that those pictures demonstrate that the man was on the surface of the moon. According to my sources (I love the internet), no human has ever been ON the moon.

It is not hard to realize that all those objects were, in fact, placed there by men. The hard part is to demonstrate that men placed them there by themselves. I don't know any zombie that actually believes that men has been on the moon. So, please NASA people, stop lying to us and better use your time explaining Roswell.

Zombies Hate Aliens!

There is no question about it. Aliens are stupid. Those ugly, malformed and evil creatures that have been coming for a long time to our beloved planet to create panic and confusion.

Aliens are ignorant, they don't know nothing about the intricate ways of the human brain. They see humans as experimentation creatures, not for their real value -tasty brains-.

Then they come in this non-ecological spaceships just to play with humans, puncture them, abduct them and later on return them all confused (as is...). They don't care about zombies...they see us as disposed-humans. What do they know. We are way more valuable than they and we are smart (we don't lend money to those Greeks, for example). I hate aliens and the movies about aliens also. Aliens are ugly, unfriendly and single-minded.

Are Zombies Concerned About the Economic Uncertainty?

Not at all. The one who has nothing has  no fear. I have no money, no savings, no gold, no foreign currency, no stocks, no real state...and best of all I don't need much to fill up my tummy, just some brains, even though, lately I find that must brains are weak-tasting.

Inventions that went nowhere I

I have been in this world for a long long time. First as a human, now as a zombie. I have seen many inventions that have been successful and others that have been a failure. I will start some posts using memory-lane.

I recall clearly when Good Year created the lighted tires. It was an awesome idea. Cars looked soooooo cool, but...they did not get people's attention. I for one think it was a great idea. You could see at the end of the day how many people you had rolled over by the amount of red on them. It was so amazing. I wish I kept mine, which would look great on my fancy super powerful and mega polluter muscle car.

From The Book of Knowledge VII

If you can't be of any help at all, then annoy everybody. The important thing is to participate.

Are There Any Other Zombie Creatures Besides Humans?

Yes. Humans are only a small part of the zombie variety. We are better known because our stories are told  on the movies, comics, cartoons and TV shows. Reality is that there are all sorts of zombie creatures in the planet, like my good friend Yogui, who kindly allowed me to take his picture for my blog.

George Lucas...Nooooooooo!!!!!

Why can't George Lucas leave Star Wars alone?. Vader is one of my favourite zombies...silent was good. Why add Nooooooooooooooo?..... disappointed, to say the least.

I am Sick!

Yesterday I was looking myself in a mirror -an activity that I enjoy quite a bit- and suddenly I started feeling rapid heartbeat, dizziness, I almost fainted and I started feeling confused, with some hallucinations.

I felt so sick that I went to the doctor, who after many many tests concluded that I sufferer from Stendhal's syndrome. There is not know cure for it.

Fortunately, I only get it when I look myself in the mirror or when I look at a picture of myself. Otherwise I am OK...for now.

From The Book of Knowledge XXII

Children in the car's front seat can cause accidents. Accidents in the car's back seat can cause children.