Signs of a Bad Investment CL

Zombies need no money, so we keep our cash into investments. Somehow I believe that the economy is not performing as we are told. Recently I bought a cemetery -great and attractive investment for a zombie, like a theme park-, but as soon as I finish paying the total purchase price, people stopped dying.

Batman Bike Class III

Unfortunately not all countries can afford The Dark Knight fancy and expensive equipment, that is why  he has different bike classes. For third world countries they get a Class III...almost the same, but not quite though.

Zombies Love Pussy

Zombies LOVE pussy, more so if it comes in these fancy outfits. And, if they organize themselves to create a riot then it is the best. You don't need to like punk rock, though.

Zombies Love Short Movies

More so if the ending is a happy ending.

IKEA and Zombies

Humans are weird. Somehow they lost their way and their values in an effort of achieving the ideals of westernized life style. Before life in a community was the most important part of social living, now they prefer living in over prized tinny apartments where they only interact with the community when in need of consumerism. IKEA is a big scary part of this. Recently I visited IKEA in China and in India...same "furniture and decor" than the stores in NY or Montreal.

Finally the circle is closing. All humans created equal...same house, same furniture, same food, same books to read (stupid Harry Potter) and same everything. That is why when we are ready -and we are preparing- we will start eating the brains (not sure if there is any left) of IKEA shoppers. Those will be our appetizers. Zombies hate IKEA.

The Importance of Being Nothing

It just happens that in Borja (Spain, you would never know where that is as small town as it can be), there was this unimportant painting of Jesus Christ painted way back then in the early 1900's, an al fresco painting done on a wall of an unimportant church called Santuario de la Misericordia and done by an unimportant good hearted artist.

The painting was in such decay that a good 80 year old grandma decided to restore this image following the human concept that everybody is an architect, a lawyer, a doctor or an artist.  Somehow the result was not what was expected. A worldwide scandal!.

Really people?...if nobody -and I mean NOBODY- cared once bit for this unimportant painting done in this unimportant church by an unimportant artist...what is the big deal?

I believe two things: first is a great opportunity to bully an elderly octogenarian, which is always fun and also is a lesson to be learned: you get what you paid for.

Rainy Thursday, What to Do?

Zombies don't like rainy days. Usually we stay home and do some brain exercises, like Origami. I am a Origami Master, so you know -I live in a rainy city, what else to do?-

Michelangelo Conspiracy VI

As you all know, zombies LOVE conspiracy theories. This one talks about how Michelangelo knew about human anatomy inside-out, as he actually came from another time -time travel, we love time travel theories-. Proof of that is the famous Creation painting....other facts soon to come.

Life is Full of Options

I Hate When This Happens I

Zombies are used to uncomfortable situations, but sometimes you just have to adapt. Yesterday at the supermarket I was forced to improvise. I hate when this happens. Somehow everybody started looking at me. I did not get it why.

Of Doctors and Zombies

Colonoscopy. It is worse than confronting an upset and hungry zombie in a desolated ally.

Are There Any Wealthy Zombies?

Nope. Contrary to human belief, when you die you can not take stuff with you. It is against the rules. All material possessions will be distributed between your survivors (and they will remember you if you leave them nothing!). If any, when you become a zombie, they will run from you and try to harm you. That is why is better to leave debt than wealth.

Do Zombies Play Sports?

Only those that require physical check-ups... I signed up my son for for Boys Softball just yesterday. It was fun.

Are all Zombies Old and Wise?

Not at all. You can become a zombie at any age (yes there is such thing as a child zombie). Also zombies don't age...we decay until we become, well...ashes, pretty much like all things in nature.

An old zombie, when he or she becomes a zombie, can be already wise -like me- or pretty much stupid and drooling, like most doctor like to keep humans when they age. If you want to meet a wise zombie, just ask a smart question to his ear... with the answer you will know if you got a wise one or a hungry one.

How Long is Forever?

"Russian media magnate Dmitry Itskov is heading "Avatar," a tremendously ambitious and far-reaching multidisciplinary research project that aims to achieve immortality in humans within the next three decades. He plans to do it by housing human brains in progressively more disembodied vehicles, first transplanting them into robots and then, by the year 2045, by reverse-engineering the human brain and effectively "downloading" human consciousness onto a computer chip."

Really people?...do you want to live forever?....somehow humans believe that immortality is such a great thing. Most of them want to live forever. They are so wrong...if you ever wonder why zombies don't chat, don't read newspapers, don't go to the movies or enjoy life is because we been there done that...forever. After a while you realize that is not as fun as it sounds. 

Even Zombie Heroes Have Their Needs!

Yes, it is true. Zombie super heroes have their needs. Otherwise what will they be doing when not fighting bad guys?...watching the Olympics?

From The Book of Knowledge MI

If you choose to remain on life support indefinitely, make sure your family is legally restricted from dressing you up as a corporate mascot or renting you for parties.

Some Days are Blue, Some Are Not

Like everybody else, zombies have days where they feel...blue. Not all days are dark, as they should be, but what can we do, that is the way things are. I hate blue days.

James Holmes: The Conspiracy Theory

Zombies love conspiracy theories. We go to the most secretive sources to find out the truth -and only the truth-: the internet (including Wikipedia).
We have extensive proof that Paul McCartney died in 1966, that Men did not get to the Moon, 9-11, Chemtrails, Global Warming and many others. The newest is that James Holmes is NOT the one that has appeared in court for the movie theatre massacre. Gun control, a banking system cover-up...oh my Gosh...there is so much to read and so little time. I love conspiracy theories.

Say What?

Most humans lack of communication skills. As they fear what they don't know, they miss the amazing opportunity to have a real interesting and soul filling conversation with a zombie.

My recommendation is: learn to speak Zombie. I would start with the alphabet.

Zombie Olympics...a Bit Late

Zombies have their own Olympics. As we were not included in London 2012, I bring back memories from 2008. No 20 medal-winning freaks here though, no Queen-Bond jumping and no I-am-not-winning tears (please!)

Humans are incomprehensible!

I just don't get it... for what I understand from this video, humans DO share some things no matter where they are from.Is happiness contagious?. I am scared of that thought.