What makes a zombie a zombie?

A haircut!

Does Zombie Semen Tastes like Brains?

Actually YES it does. That and many other things make a zombie a desirable creature...now let me clarify two things:
First: Eating zombie semen doesn't make you smarter (sorry)
Second: You won't get infected by swallowing it. Try it.

Now.. if you don't like the taste of brains, then use mints.

Do Zombies use a Step Counter?

YES. Actually we do...and there are many reasons why we use a step counter being the main one to count steps. The only issue we have is that our fingers get extremely tired, hurt and get swollen.

As zombies usually do, we all use the same kind of step counter (we buy bulk...it is cheaper) and all of us have the same problem. Some are going back to count in their heads, but I am a very fashionable zombie and I use the one in the picture.

Do Zombies Play Lottery?

Actually zombies don't pay any kind of taxes... another advantage of being a zombie. And, besides...for us lottery and taxes are the same thing, the difference is that the Government  make you pay taxes and the Lottery is a voluntary tax.

Join us now!
For a Tax Free Planet!
...without humans and taxes!!!!!

Do Zombies Practice Oral Sex?

Actually we do even though we know that it carries some risk. We have lost some members by doing this... literally.

Do Zombies Wear Tattoos?

Oh, there is no way in hell that we would allow somebody to burn our delicate skin and poison it with ink. We are as decayed as we can be... but fortunately we have humans for that.

Are Zombies Flammable?

Actually we are. Thanks God that humans prefer to run like girls rather than confronting us... with fire. Fire hurts zombies, but don't tell anyone.

Do Zombies Freeze?

Actually we do. Even though we can survive at -100˚C we still freeze, but what really bother us is BRAIN FREEZE!

Zombies have Families?

Of course we do...and we all love brains!

For example I really like brains with black truffles, the current wife, Carmela, (they tend to die on me) likes them scrambled with blood oranges, Santino -the teen- likes them with canabis but if we don't have any he will be happy just with the cannabis, Constanzia likes them with Haagen Daz's Mayan Chocolate bonanza and my little one, Federico eats them as is, warm and bare.

The dog and the cat eat leftovers so they don't count.

And....YES, zombies like The Godfather...

Can Zombies Swim?

Actually... we don't swim as per say. Three reasons for that:
1. We do NOT look good on Speedos (who does?)
2. We do NOT float -that does not mean that we avoid water bodies... we don't swim but we can walk underwater (we don't breathe...remember?)
3. We ONLY like 1,000 thread Egyptian Cotton Towels, which are very hard to find.

Do Zombies Survive Chemical Warfare?

Of course we do...If a zombie has gone through mustard gas and pepper spray we call him/her a "seasoned zombie"

What do Zombies do in Christmas Eve?

We go out. We can't tolerate more Christmas music, trees, decorations and humans feeling the urge to buy whatever. Out is the only solution... it will keep our minds out of this craziness.

Life or Death... which one is better?

Undead for sure. You see...life is just a long and painful road to death whereas death is so final. Undead in the other hand is the solution. Join us.

Are There any Chinese Zombies?

Sure, why not. Actually there are more Chinese Zombies than all in North America. They are quite nice even though we have no idea what are they saying. Funny creatures...

Who Else Feeds on Your Brain?

To start with...the therapists (" psychoanalysts " they call themselves...) and they tend to be scarier, creepier and less interesting than zombies...and, gasp, they CHARGE you for feeding of your brain!!!!

Where Do Zombies Hide?

Yeah right...as if I am going to tell you. A VERY secret bunker... I hid it so well that I had to post some secret clues to find it...

Do God Love Zombies?

Of course he does!...otherwise he would be a racist.

Can Zombies Talk?

Sure we can talk...it just happens that there is nothing else to say: everything to say has been said.

Can Zombies See In The Dark?

Oh, no. Another stupid question. NO, zombies can't see in the dark. We are zombies, not Marines.

Do Zombies Celebrate Halloween?

We don't like Halloween. We think it is stupid. Why do people want to go out dressed up as... let's say...zombies?. Either you are a zombie or you are not -but always welcome to join the club-.

Oh, yes... there is the candy....