Zombie School: The Alphabet

Zombies are NOT illiterate. We know stuff... this is the Zombie Alphabet...next i will teach you the Super Bowl numbers...

Zombie Valentine's Idea I

I know...zombies are romantic creatures. I am a romantic. All I can think of right now is what to get for my Valentine. Present #1: a zeedi (zombie teddy).

Male Zombie Sex Behaviour CXXXI

Male zombies really care about their female sexual satisfaction. Actually is all we care for. We give the gift of sex -we sacrifice ourselves- just to keep our females happy.

I am Zombie

One of many advantages of being a zombie...your name becomes "zombie". Easier to remember in social events.

Zombie Statistics I

Fact. After decades of research, finally a zombie statistic you can count on: 50% of zombies represent half the zombie population.

A Bought a MAC!!!

I am so happy. It has been long since I really wanted to buy a MAC. As they are expensive I have been saving since. I knew I could not buy a brand new one from the Apple store, so I went to Craig's List...and, for real cheap...I got it!!!
I am a happy MAC user.

There are Aliens and there are Aliens...

In this troubled world where everybody mistrusts everybody, mostly because their origin... we zombies must unite. Let's stop all aliens from invading our space and contaminate our beliefs and costumes. If we build a wall they will look to settle elsewhere. Save the species... save all zombies!!

Weird...for a Zombie

Zombies find extremely weird...between many things, humans pretending to be zombies. If you want to come to the dark side, then do it, not just pretend. We hate pretenders.

Do Ghosts Exist?

If they do I have never seen one. What I have seen is ghostly stupidity.

Etiquette for Zombies Rule VI

Ensure that you do not overstay your welcome by asking your host if you are overstaying your welcome every couple of minutes.

First Stop: Sushi for Zombies!

You would have imagined that zombies only eat brains...but not when we are on vacation. I went to eat sushi zombie style. Almost as good as brains.

Zombie on Vacation

I am starting a vacation, but I don't have a good feeling about it. First stop today. I will keep posting

From The Zombie Book Great Excuses to Break Up # 2

I use this one quite a bit. But never used on me...
"We have met at a very complicated time of my life"

Can Zombies Reborn?

As most zombies are Buddhists, we all believe that zombie is not only a way of life, an example to follow but also we are ... to be reborn. The zombie state is one of the highest to be achieved, we are actually in the Asura Realm. Yes...now you know it...zombies are Demi-gods.

My Morning Coffee

I love my morning coffee. It gives me some sort of confidence that the day ahead will be great and as planned.

Brain Freeze!

A treat, what can I say.

Kamasutra for Zombies !

I am working on the App, but for now I give you an advance. Rejoice zombies...now we have a thousand ways to say I love you!

Zombie-proof House

Humans are funny...they still think that they can build a zombie-proof house. To start with, a 10ft chain link fence with security cameras?...we are zombies not stupids...we can climb, regardless of popular belief. Security cameras will just increase your anxiety as you will actually see we are coming.

I am googling this house. I will find it, get in while the security cameras will film it all... material for my next new movie.

My Parrot and I

O.K....I got a parrot. As I am tired that people always look at me with some sort of doubt (is he for real? look), I decided to buy a parrot. My bunnies are still sleeping at the bunker. Since I got it, I decided to teach it to say "Help!, I have been turned into a parrot!". Huge success. Now people are looking at the parrot first, then me, then they run like crazy. Happy zombie here.

The Zombie Predictions for 2013

1. The world will end. The prophecy is clear: "On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year the world will end"... no Mayan misreadings... you read it here first.
2. The president of a very important country will die.
3. A Hollywood couple will divorce, shocking their fans. It was the perfect couple.
4. A very strong earthquake will hit a populated city, leaving no buildings standing.
5. Microsoft will release a patch for its new Windows 8 operating system.
6. Facebook will try to find new ways to squeeze money out of people's data.
7. A South american country will not pay its debt to the International Found who will react by freezing all loans to that country and execute an embargo.
8. Justin Bieber will have a fight with Selena and will have problems with the law.
9. A new member of the Royal Family will be born. Eventually will be the ruler.
10. The stock market will plummet ... and will recuperate after two months.
11. The 1% will decrease to .99% and "the others" will become "the 99.1 %"
12. Cell phone companies and banks will have record profits.

This is it for now... please note that these are 100% guaranteed prophecies. You read it here first.

Apocalypse Failure!

I just can't believe my eyes!
Just came out of my bunker to find out that...the world did not end as predicted by the Mayans. Oh disappointment. I knew it since day one...what a bunch of lies...

Now I have to deal with some small issues like:
1. A line-up of pregnant women that claim that the child thy are bearing is mine (stupid condom free day)...I will request DNA proof. Then I will claim insanity.
2. A mountain of unpaid bills (phone company, electricity, gas, cable and of course all those stupid credit cards)...good luck...try to squeeze a penny out of a zombie. I hate AMEX the most...they really want their money back or...else. Bring it on AMEX!
3. The bunker's contractors want their money...they can keep the bunker. Useless concrete box.

And...I am hungry. Going to get some brains...will keep posting...BRAINS!!!!!

2012 Gone...I Cheated Death!

Yes... I did -for now-. 2012 gone with a Big Bang. Tomorrow I will come out. Today I am tired of partying all night. Zombies are big on New year's parties. Mine was a blast. I love loneliness and I was, well...alone. Tomorrow first thing I will go outside (dust must have settled by then) and I will start a New Order: The Zombie Kingdom. With slaves and all... I can't wait. Happy 2013 to me.