Can Zombies See In The Dark?

Oh, no. Another stupid question. NO, zombies can't see in the dark. We are zombies, not Marines.

Where is the Poisoned Candy?

Oh, yes... still into this Halloween thing... humans are terrified that their little loved ones (stupid humans) might get hurt because they are told of horror stories about poisoned candy, sharp razor blades inside juicy apples, nails in cookies.... In my extensive research (actually looking for this elusive poisoned candy which must be so good that is to die for) and... not even ONE case in the whole history. Seems that candy makers made up the story so humans, as stupid as they are, will avoid home made treats and swamp the stores in search for the safe (ha ha ha ha) factory made candy.

Do Zombies Celebrate Halloween?

We don't like Halloween. We think it is stupid. Why do people want to go out dressed up as... let's say...zombies?. Either you are a zombie or you are not -but always welcome to join the club-.

Oh, yes... there is the candy....

Zombies Are Cowards!...NOT!!

You can say a lot of things about zombies... you can think a lot of things about zombies...we care. One thing is a SURE thing: you will NEVER -and I mean never- find a coward zombie. We don't run for our lives (petty humans); if you point a gun to our heads we keep walking towards you; if you threaten us with your best machete... we still will walk towards you. Zombies are little brave soldiers, I tell you.

Should I Get a Wife or a Dog? I

It is a tough decision, I am lonely -all zombies are- and I am thinking about getting some sort of happy company. The finalists are either a wife (I know...) or a dog. Here is my conundrum:

1. Getting Home Late. Zombies have the tendency of getting home late. It is a fact. I know that the later you get home, the happier to see you dog will become. I am wondering if that happens with wives.

2. Zombies are forgetful. So, if I forget my dog's name and call it something else... the dog could not care less. I wonder if that happens with wives.

3. Zombies are messy. When I leave all sort of things (including body parts) all around the house, the dog is, actually, happier. The messier you are the happier the dog is. Do wives feel the same?

More to come...

Lesus Christ!

I knew it. It is not a zombie-language related issue. I have been calling... Lesus -his real name- to what humans know as "Jesus". Thanks to my amigo Francisco I have been cleaned. All the new medals minted to commemorate his first year as a Pope have the REAL name. I am sooooo eating some Christian brains today. And, in any event, in the job description knowing Latin was not a requirement.

Zombies Are Gluten Free Maniacs!

Yes... it is true. Zombies are, by God's will... gluten free eaters, but please don't get discouraged, we are equal opportunity brain eaters... we only try to choose first no gluten brains but we will eat ANY brain when hungry.

Do Zombies Eat While Watching TV?

Oh yes we do. Watching TV and not eating is just a waste of time. We watch TV for the food obviously...what is there to watch otherwise?