Zombie's 2015 Financial Guide I

So, the year ends, this zombie is tired but willing to help my brothers (yes, I have been watching Marco Polo in Netflix) and what can be better than giving you all the best of the best advise I can give for the year 2015 which seems to be a great zombie year!

Let's get to it then:

Pay off your credit cards every month in full... with your other credit cards. If you ran out of credit cards...sign up for new ones.

Save some money for a rainy day. That way you can shop online instead of having to go to an actual store (and anyways...people always start screaming when we go shopping at the mall...which is annoying)

My accountant advises me to keep better records throughout the year. I keep telling him that records are very 50's...I can listen my iPod (who buys records nowadays?)

Invite your friends for a drink (who doesn't love free drinks?) and look for investors for your "home office" business. If it fails then do a Kickstarter campaign.

Avoid getting a divorce by practicing polygamy...half the planet is doing it and now its the rave!

Borrow things more often. Return then less often.

Visit the grocery store more often -later at night when there is not that many screaming humans-  than restaurants, especially when free samples are being served.

Call your grandma and tell her that you are about to go to jail for helping a little orphan...she will send you money right away.

Star Wars The Force Awakens Movie Poster Preview...exclusive!

Again, this zombie site is ahead of all the Star Wars Dorks. This is the real stuff.... your welcome!

My Zombie Resolutions for 2014

New Year's is not a great day for zombies as we hate noise, crowds -they are scary-, music and....fireworks. Drinking is fine but we don't need a Human Celebration to do so.

Every year I do my resolutions for the following year...and I never accomplish anything, so this year I decided to be more realistic knowing that maybe I will do some of them:

1. Start washing my hands after I use the restroom. Faucets are more disgusting than the can.
2. Clean my behind after going to the toilet. People are complaining than zombies smell...
3. Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth. I will drink coke instead.
4. Stop licking my genitals. They are getting a bit...wet and moldy
5. Only get divorced and remarried once this year.
6. Watch more movie remakes, follow up movies (where is Rocky X?), and Cable TV...just because I love repetition, yes I love repetition, repetition is good, repetition...
7. Advise my son to go back to school to avoid paying his student loans.He can study History of Marilyn Monroe, Fried Eggs 101 -again as he failed last year-, etc
8. Only eat only stupid and annoying people's brains. This year I almost die of starvation.
9. Keep it to myself that I have trouble with authority when I'm being confronted by humans holding a machete or a machine gun.
10. Spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year. Zombies LOVE coffee. Instead I'll go to the nearest Pub or Bar or Cantina or Liquor Store...
11. Claim all my friend's wives as dependents on my taxes.

And I have more...it just happens that I'm hungry and it's time for braiiiiiiiins!

Cuban Zombies!...are back

So, the South American Zombie King, The Complainer One, the one who satisfies his thirst not with blood but with ultra sugary expressos... collaborates with this new video. I actually dying to watch it...what can be better than Spanish speaking with Cuban accent zombies?...in Miami?

Zombie's Christmas Presents Ideas 2014

So, you feel guilty but just can figure it out why. You wake up and feel guilty, go to bed and feel guilty. YES...sometimes zombies feel guilt, the only difference is that we do something about it.

When zombies feel guilty we resource to distraction to ease our busy minds...and we do everything we can to avoid a visit to the therapist. That's why we write to Santa and ask for "ease your mind" gifts.

Dear Santa: this Christmas all I want is the Thorn Glove (you can get it from Iceland's Design firm Sruli Recht). I have been told that once you put them on...you can't remove them...and not because you love them but because they will keep most of your hand's skin. Awesome !

The gloves are made of Icelandic basking shark skin and the lining consists of hundreds of hand-held needles that come form some sort of poisonous fish. Fortunately the poison has been removed.

I promise to use them daily, for two reasons: first, I like my hands with skin on and second because they cost about $4,000 US.

Please Santa.....