How to Prepare for a Zombie Christmas 1

First, learn all your Zombie Carols.  We love gatherings and we love Christmas Zombie songs. More to come...

Zombies Don't Exist!

Idiots!...we DO exist. I am writing this here and now, so you better believe. For evidence just grow some brains (not an easy task for you)...then we will find you.

Is is True that Zombies Love Ice Cream?

Make no mistake. The number one thing we crave is brains, no doubt...but ice cream comes in a very descent number two. We die (funny) for ice cream.

The Dark Side is Real

Traveling around the world I have realized that George Lucas just stole ideas from here and from there. This is a picture I took a long long time ago, way before Star Wars...

Unanswered Questions IX

If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

India Got...Talent?

Zombies are suckers for reality shows. We strongly believe that somehow we will get a chance to come out of the crowds and become a star, or at least a millionaire. Everybody wants their 15 minutes of fame and...the cash that comes with it.
Between many many reality shows nowadays, there is one called "__________(put your country's name here) Got Talent"... a very successful franchise where anybody has the chance to become famous. This is India's 2011 finalist. They got talent, no doubt....

Zombie Kisses as per Your Request

As per the request of my good friend zombie MB, here are some pics of us zombies kissing whatever we can. Beneton has contacted me for next year's photo shoot, so you know. Again, zombies are kissable, try it!

Free Land for All Zombies -asks Lord Vader-

You can't deny that one of our best representatives and a big movie star, Lord Vader is an important zombie. He found out that in the City of Odessa the Mayor decided to give for free beach front land to some people.

"I have learned that at the Odessa Municipality the Mayor and Council have become part of the Dark Side and I am coming to get a free piece of land to be able to station my spaceship". he said. Following procedure he was sent to the proper office to fill out the paperwork.

Soon we all have a beachfront in Odessa, Thanks Lord Vader!

Zombies are Better Kissers than The Pope

Beneton just missed a great opportunity. Instead of using Obama and the Pope for their 2011 advertising campaign, they could have used zombies. Zombies are great kissers, everybody knows that.
Zombies are in, Popes are so nineteen century.

Zombies Hate Charity

Zombies are self-sufficient. We hate charity. If we need something, we just take it.

Poll Number 156. Zombies Vs Vampires

Reality is that we are way more popular, but vampires have the tendency to buy out poll companies.

Letters to The Zombie CI

"Dear Zombie:

My son, 9 (that is the age, not his name) is unfocused when it comes down to studying. He easily gets distracted and the more I discipline him, the less interested he seems to become a good student. I have done everything I can think of to motivate him with zero results. I even took thin to Occupy Wall Street and asked him "is THIS what you want to become when you grow up?"... and he replied "camping!, great". Please help me.

Desperate House Wife"

Dear Desperate House Wife:

Often little ones get distracted by their surroundings. Any little think will activate their imagination and the creative part of their little unflavoured brains. That can not be good. I highly recommend you to buy The Isolator.
This scientific wonder will keep your child's eyes where they belong: on the books. It even comes with an oxygen canister to prevent asphyxiation. The combo of scheduled beatings (to break his should and will) and the Isolator did wonders for me. I highly recommend it.

Amazing ideas a Zombie won't have...

Zombies are creative but these people take it to the next level. I am traveling over there to eat some tasty brains...finally!

It Is Important to Have Fun When you Are at Work.

Be creative. The whole idea of working is not to make money (I hope you have figured out that already) but to entertain your mind...no matter what is your line of work, always find a way to make it fun.

Is Good to Have Friends in Higher Places

Just so you know...zombies have friends in higher places. Watch it!

Man's Brain vs Woman's Brain

Zombies are very much into brains. Often I go to lectures to understand better my addiction. I share this knowledge with you.....

Real Important News!

Justin Bieber has been ordered to make a paternity test to see if he really is the father of little  Mr. Oops AND Dr. Conrad Murray has been found guilty of  involuntary manslaughter in the 2009 death of the Thriller singer and zombie hero Michael Jackson.

Forget about Occupy XXX... these are REAL issues, not pity whining because you are not a zillionare. Focus people, focus.

Occupy The Planet

I am with the "occupy___________" (put any name here). Zombies are ahead of you by far. We have been occupying the planet slowly but surely. We don't need tents nor signs. We will dominate the planet sooner than you think, just don't say anything.

Do Zombies Have a Soul?

I don't know...do people?
Humans have this idea that somewhere inside their body there is such thing called "soul" -even though others call it "the force" but they are a different breed. I have searched all my body for this "soul". First I emptied my pockets and nothing (actually zombies carry no stuff inside their pockets). Then I searched all available entrances to my body and... nothing.

If there is such thing as a "soul", please let me know where to find it. I would like to have a talk with it (and please don't tell me to look for James Brown)

Friendly Advise to Wives III

Zombies work hard. It is not easy to go out there and hunt for fresh brains (first we must find people with brains which is staring to be an impossible task), then scare the hell out of them, all done in slow motion.

I come back home exhausted !... the least the wife can do is to be all freshened up, nice and in a great mood ready to entertain me to compensate for a hard day. Let's be real... wives stay at home doing basically nothing!

From The Book of Knowledge MMMXXXIII

Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.

Miscommunication

My therapist says that what happened was not my fault, that was a miscommunication problem. everybody knows that zombies love chocolate, so obviously last night was a good day to get one of my favourite treats  ...for free! -considering that FREE is one of my favourite words also-.

So... I am all set up and ready with my soon to be full with chocolate pillow case (I have seen kids do that so why not me) and I started wondering the streets and knocking at all doors to get my precious  free delight. All I have to do, according to my research is to say a stupid phrase "trick or treat". Not that hard for such an immense reward.

At first I thought that my eyes were tricking me... all I could see were sample-size chocolates!... I want the REAL DEAL, not samples...so I kept going. My blood pressure was getting quite high by the 10th house...al was the same, sample-sized chocolate.

After an hour of hard labour, my pillow case was half empty of stupid size chocolates. I trowed away other junk like potato chips, candy, pennies (pennies!!!) and stuff that was not chocolate. But then, out of frustration I asked a woman what was the reason for these miniature chocolates. "They are FUN-size" she said. I got mad. FUN SIZE?... how can a miniaturized portion of a treat be FUN?

FUN my #$^$$##$#@!!!!!..... I yelled at her. She got mad and yelled at me. Then in self defence I hit her with my half empty pillow case. She called the police. Stupid woman. My therapist says is not my fault... we agreed to blame the incident on my relationship with my mom. That always makes bad experiences go away. Fun-size problems, I guess....