Why Zombies Don't Marry IV

One of many reasons why zombies don't marry. We like burnt beer!

Do Zombies Want to go to Heaven?

Oh no...no!
Why would I want to go to heaven... I know as a fact that none of my friends are going to be there.

Zombies Have Feelings!

Yes... like just now I feel numb, like dead, slow and hungry, with no meaning in life, lost, no purpose in life... actually I feel normal. It is a good day.

Can You See Me Now?

Ha!... and you were a non believer. We are here... all you have to do is pay attention.

Do Zombies Tweet?

Yes, we do...only at night time, when food is not that easy to find. This map shows how many people are tweeting at a given time...Chinese tweeters...where are you?

Do Zombies Marry?

Oh yes... marriage is the closest to slow painful death.... fun!

The World is a Better Place Now...

The ABBA museum just open. Now I can satisfy my need for pop culture. Thanks humans!

Do Zombies Masturbate?

Not really... we fear that our hands will become hairy -like werewolves'- ...I think my mother and all those weird priests that educated me as a child were right... if you masturbate your hands will grow hair in the palms ... nasty stuff...

Warhammer is Out!

Zombie Toys are in... signs of the times....

What Kind of a Creature are You?

According to the Book of Knowledge, Creatures are divided, first, in TWO categories: disposable creatures and somehow useful creatures; the first ones we call them FIRST TIER CREATURES.

Somehow Useful Creatures belong to one -and only one- of the SEVEN Master Sub-categories, which are shown in my chart. If you don't fit in any of these 7 categories, then you belong to the First Tier.

Birds Love Zombies!

Every creature on Earth love us...stupid little feathered animals just can't get enough of us. I love my zombie bird feeder.

Do Zombies Like Trailing?

Not really. If we are out there, we walk and funny enough people are the ones running. We rather watch TV.

Do Zombies Wash Their Clothes?

That is a stupid question. Of course not!...we dry clean.

I Witnessed My Own Autopsy!

It is a freaky feeling, but I am though...I can take it -faint-

Zombies love Cookies

But not just any cookies...we like zombie cookies!

Do Zombies Smoke?

We do not smoke...we use smoking as an attractor for women. It is a fact that if you blow in a woman's face she will follow you anywhere.

The Iron Lady is Dead!

I really don't know what I will do now... I like to have all my clothes perfectly ironed... sad zombie.

What happened to Titanic Lifeboats?

Ha!

According to a friend of my great grandmother's second  cousin niece...they disappeared. That actually is a fact. To start with all lifeboat's nameplates were gone right away, they say, although there is not a single picture that shows a lifeboat with Titanic on it...and the boats were sold as scrap before the hearings. Zombies actually believe that the Titanic was...gasp...the Olympic and that the whole ordeal was an insurance scam -insert Twilight music here-. The boats were the Olympic's,

Zombie Toothpaste !

Following my good friend's advise, I decided to try the "brushing your teeth experience thing... so first things first, I bought (I am a zombie not a thief) zombie tooth paste. I will give it a try tonight after brain supper...tonight is Brain Stew!  

Do Zombies Get a Haircut?

I actually shave my head...it is cheaper and cooler, besides that I actually look like Mr Clean. A common job for zombies is actually a barber, but we don't last long on those jobs.

Was Jesus Jewish?

On a series of 4 posts I will try to identify Jesus' origins:

Was he a Jew?'

Let's see...
1. He worked at the same business he father owned.
2. He lived at home until he married (let's assume) ... at 33 years of age.
3. He was sure his mom was a virgin and his mother was 100% sure that he was God himself.

Tomorrow paradigm 2.

Do Zombies Sleep?

I do sleep. Actually I sleep like a baby -I wake up every three hours and cry-

Zombies Ain't Blasphemous!

But these guys are...zombies do not fear God, but fear Museums (they might keep us for display).

I Found Salvation!

Or at least I found chocolate...zombies love chocolate and don't care about salvation.

Easter for Zombies

We love Easter. It is the only time when celebrating a zombie becomes sociable acceptable.

Do Zombies Use Money?

Nope. All our basic needs are free. Sometimes we use bitcoins (not cash...that is so 20th Century!) to buy our Star Wars and Lord of The Rings collectibles.

Obsession

Yes, I know...brains...

Toy Story - Sad Story

Zombies dislike Toy Story (from 1 to 4)...zombies hate sad. We are happy creatures. Toy Story sad you ask?...it is bout a left alone child from a horrible divorce, look at the facts:
1. You never see the Dad
2. They are moving (to a smaller house)
3. The mom's wedding ring is off in the shot where she pick up the Buzz box
4. Andy is introverted and emotionally attach to inanimate masculine figures
5. They get a puppy (common in divorce cases)

Zombies Ain't Bad Guys

Oh, well... the concept of evil has changed quite a bit. I miss my childhood bad ass guys. Sight...

Job Posting -Great Opportunity-

This zombie is very busy and he is getting busier. I am looking for help. The add is self explanatory. Please apply within.