Telezombie

The new toy in town. Buy it, it will make your little zombies love you!

They Found It!

They found it!

Finally after many years of looking for it, Mr. Richard Miles from the Faulkes North Telescope, discovered this estrange man made object that is orbiting the Sun. It takes 104 years to orbit our Star and came very close to Earth last May 21st. 

They have discovered that is a man made object because of its shape, color and because it is made of Earth like materials. No respectable scientific office is claiming ownership and they figure that it could be debris from a Russian rocket (blame the Russians if no explanation possible).

They have named it 2010KQ (obviously) and they know it is white as you can see in the picture (black dot). If it happens to be your object, please contact NASA's JPL, they will appreciate it.

They look so neat!

Some zombies will go to the extreme to get things to LOOK all right. For example my fellow Chinese Army zombie friends like perfection when doing public displays, like in the past Olympic Games. Using pins or needles on their shirt collar they can achieve pose perfection, no flaws.

Now we can not say that animals are the only ones mistreated when trained to do public shows, Chinese Military zombies are too.

Kisses by Lance Daly

There are three kind of zombies, ones who absolutely love movies, any kind of movies (including The Wiz with Diana Ross), others who like movies, but are selective about them and the ones who are just plain weird. I am from the forth kind.

I had the opportunity to watch Kisses, a film by Lance Daly, who wrote and directed this delightful film. Without pretensions, we are presented to a very simple story about two kids who spend 24 hours together outside on the streets of Dublin. They both come from  dysfunctional families and find in each other company and understanding while discovering the sweet and terrifying outside world.

The cinematography is phenomenal, the photography (which uses color saturation to enhance moods) is amazing, the music is really good and the acting is superb. The easy narrative and the simplicity of the storytelling makes this film worthwhile to watch.

I will give it 8 zombies out of 10.

Sad Fate for WASP-12b

Thanks to the amazing power of the Hubble Telescope, scientific zombies have discovered that the famous planet WASP-12b (not to be confused with WASP-12a) in our galaxy is in the process of being devoured by the star it orbits.


Within the next TEN MILLION years (can't wait to see it and take some pictures), the bully Sun, will finish eating away that beloved little planet. Also it is worthy to note that the planet is not small potatoes as it is 300 times the size of Earth and is so close to the star it orbits that its day is a bit shorter than 24 hours.


We know all that but still unable to stop Windows 7 from crashing all the time or stopping the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico. Go figure.

Zombies are open source

Track 2, Album

I don't remember the title nor the group, but I like this song a lot. I only have it on MP3 format.

Healthy addiction. Fresh

I must admit that like many other zombies, I love cold coffee drinks. Summer is around the block and I just can't wait to get my frozen favorite drinks at my local coffee shop. As a healthy conscious zombie, I go first for a good cold piece of heaven than a fatty-unhealthy Coke.

For example, I can drink a Venti (I know...) Starbucks Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha with Whipped Cream (the cream is free!!!!) and get:

660 calories
22 grams of fat
95 grams of sugar, which equals of eating 8 1/2 scoops of the creamiest coffee ice cream you can imagine.

There are more calories and saturated fat in my heavenly drink than two slices of deep-dish sausage and pepperoni pizza from Domino's.

Do I care?....sure I do, that is why I only have ONE Cranberry Scone with it. I am not crazy, you know.

Zombies in Arizona

Zombies come in all shapes and colors. We live all over the world and we are quite a bunch. All zombies were created the same, we breathe the same air.  We were born the same way and we eat and drink the exact same way that all zombies do. Not all zombies seem to be the same, though. There are all sorts of zombies and you can classify them as you please, but no matter how you classify them, at the end of the day...we are all the same. A white zombie is a zombie and a black zombie is a zombie. A Christian zombie is a zombie and...well, you understand the idea.

Some zombies do not like the idea that all zombies are the same. They strongly believe that zombies should be classified and categorized, tagged and then, treated accordingly. Then, with the proper leader, they tend to create laws that marginalizes some of them and makes them feel unwanted. They even create laws that allows them to kick them out of their territory, based on looks (!).  That is the case in some places, like District 9.

This zombie would have imagined that by the 21st Century we should have put aside all racial discrimination and try to understand and tolerate our differences but seems that I am still one of the few that still believes in, I don't know...humanity?

Voynich Manuscript

Before Blogs, zombies used to write manuscripts. The Voynich Manuscript was written in Central Europe way back in the 15th Century and is made out of a large amount of puzzling drawings and written in a text that only a highly educated zombie can read (so far none).

The contents of the manuscript range from botanical drawings that contain 113 unidentified plant species, astronomical and astrological drawings including charts which are amazingly accurate, anatomical drawings of female-zombies interacting with tubes and capsules (not that strange as we all know that female zombies like to play with tubes and capsules) , nine cosmological medallions and over 100 pharmaceutical drawings and one recipe for apple pie.

The Codex belonged to Emperor Rudolph II of Germany (not to be mistaken with Rudolph the Red Nosed Deer) who paid the wooping price of 600 gold ducats and believed that it was the work of Roger Bacon.

The whole point of this pointless posting is to do my social service of the day. NASA is looking for someone who can translate the document for them as they strongly believe that it contains information that will point to the right direction of the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa's remains and the recipe of the perfect cappuccino.

If you are interested, please send a self addressed envelope to NASA/Voynich Manuscript and they will contact you.

Zombie in pain

Well, it really shows that this zombie was not made for physical labor. Trying to do some yard work this zombie hurt himself and got a 9 stitches prize. In a couple of days I will tell you all about my emergency room experience. For now, my apologies for skipping my regular postings while I enjoy a Tylenol 3 trip.

Also a beautiful purple polka dotted elephant and a turquoise and yellow zebra are calling me to join them in a game of bridge, so no time for blogging today.... Codeine anyone?

Stop and smell the flowers

Zombies are from Mars

Zombies really like to think that we are unique. That the whole Universe was created for us to enjoy. There is nobody else besides us. I like that idea. Us, us, us.


In the other hand, the nothing-to-do-better people that work for NASA want to rain in our parade. They send these useless pieces of machinery to take pictures of Earth from Mars ( I guess looking for other male-zombies as we all know that male zombies are from Mars). The picture was taken by the Mars Exploration Rover Spirit one hour before sunrise on the 63rd Martian day, or sol, of its mission. (March 8, 2004)

So...big deal. We are a tinny spec when looking from Mars. So what... still we are the only ones in the whole Universe, besides teenagers which we all know are stranger than fiction. And we also know that size is not important, right?

Credit: NASA/JPL/Cornell/Texas A&M

A Zombie with a pen...

Patricio Betteo is the Master of Masters when it comes to illustration and drawings. I love his work and his way he thinks. He has helped me out with my new super duper header. In his own realm he leads a bunch of zombies that are enchanted by his art. He is a zombie too, no doubt... if not, go to the nearest coffee shop and you will notice that there are WANTED FOR A REWARD signs with his picture on them, as he loves coffee but forgets to pay for it. Gracias Pato!!!

A little bit of ash does not hurt zombies

The Boston Globe just published some amazing pictures of the Eyjafjallajokull volcano. I must admit that they are impressive but got me thinking that if that unknown (to me) volcano can create such havoc, what would it happen if the planet gets to experience what I experience when my wife gets all wired up at home. The Eyjafjallajokull's people got it easy.

Aliens VS Zombies

Good old Stephen Hawking says that based on the knowledge that there are billions of galaxies which hold  hundreds of millions of stars with planets, the probabilities of aliens walking around those places is plausible. Also he said that those aliens may be organisms living under ice, or evolved resource-hungry travellers who have ruined already their own planets. We have to look at ourselves. To see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn't want to meet.

Half an idea

Zombies love coffee!

Who doesn't. Well.. I guess the British, but they are weird anyways. I have to admit that I absolutely love coffee. I like it hot and I like it cold. Like all other zombies, I follow the very complex etiquette that is used when ordering my cup of java. Also I am willing to pay a stupid amount of money to get the satisfaction to enjoy a good coffee. I am a sucker for this beverage and I am not a vampire!

Who could imagine that this bean discovered by a looking-for-an-adiction Ethiopian goat was going to be the origin of this zombie-like addiction. Stupid goat... its its fault that I have to spend the money that I don't have to satisfy my need for coffee. And I am blaming the goat (which we will name Federico for lack of a better name) and not its owner, Mr. Kaldi, because he just did what all goat owners do... try whatever your goat tries and eat whatever your goat eats. If you don't like this fact, then buy a cow.

Then, of course, everybody wanted to imitate the happy coffee bean eating goat. They wanted to be as happy as the goat was... In Mecca they decided to make money out of this happiness promise by opening the first Coffee Houses, called Stargoats. I believe the name didn't catch up, but the beverage did, so by the 1950's you could buy an expensive cup of java for the atrocity of 10 cents (up 100% from the 40's already high price). What a ripoff!

Why do zombies are willing to pay up to 6 bucks for this heavenly drink?, you will ask. Easy... we are zombies. We don't know better. A real zombie can not walk around without a non-reciclable cup in its hands. We would just look unfitting. And we don't want that.

Acting as a good zombie, I go to the nearest Starbucks (place your favourite Coffee House name here) and try to order a medium latte. It is not an easy task due to the fact that they don't use the same language than zombies use.

If I want a LARGE coffee, I must ask for a "Venti" which some zombies believe means twenty. They DO NOT sell LARGE, they sell VENTI.

If I want a MEDIUM coffee I must ask for a GRANDE,  which can create confusion between some zombies who believe that GRANDE means BIG and not medium (ignorant zombies).

And if I want to order a SMALL coffee, I must ask for a TALL as they don't want you to feel robbed by providing you with a tinny cup and charge you 4 bucks and calling it "small"...

You would say... if you don't like the lingo then don't go there!... sure it is easy to say. I need to belong and I do what zombies do, even if it means paying 6 bucks for something that costs 50 to 80 cents to produce. If I was wrong then there wouldn't be more than 17,000 Starbucks in 50 Countries full of zombies like me. I can not imagine that there are that many brainless coffee drinkers that just follow a goat's addiction. Can they?

Zombie Thinker

My problem with Contemporary Vampires

Way back then, my good old pal Vlad decided to impale his enemies and enjoy a great dinner around their impaled bodies. Some referred to him with his surname Dracula. Many years later Bram Stoker decided to write a book based on Vlad's legends...it was 1897.

To make the story short, Vlad and Dracula had something in common. They loved human blood... and people got used to the idea of getting spooked by the thought. German Director Murnau made the first film in 1922 called Nosferatu based on the same character (but had to name him Count Orlok because Stoker's wife was talking about a lawsuit). Then in 1931 the first Dracula film was released. You know the story from that point on... vampires came and went and they captivated us with their thirst for blood and their elegance and romance. Cool.

Now we get to the 21st Century, and Stephenie Meyer starts a billion dollar bunch of movies under the name "Twilight", about amazingly good looking teenage vampires who prefer love and a veggie burgers than blood. Also, vampires are creatures of the night but this new breed of creatures can come and go as they please in daylight, sure, why not. And, if it was not enough, they have werewolves as enemies... also great young looking.

What happened to the weird looking, charming blood sucking old Dracula?... it got a makeover. Now vampires look like they came out of a Calvin Klein add and they even can walk under daylight and their skin shines like diamonds. ARGGGGGGGGGHHHH.

Those are NOT vampires!

Now... I must mention the Swedish movie "Let the Right One In", where real vampire Eli makes friend with also creepy Oskar (weird little kid, eh). That is a vampire movie.

Top questions about Zombies

People have many many questions about Zombies. As a REAL zombie, I will try to answer as many questions as I can, having in mind that if your question is just plain irrational, I will not answer it. Here we go:

1. Are you a REAL zombie?

-YES, yes I am.

2. That means that you are brain-dead but walking around people?

-I said I am a ZOMBIE, not a teenager.

3. Do you eat brains?

-Actually I do, but it is not my main diet. I absolutely love those Mexican "quesadillas de seso" (seso means brain in Spanish)... of course those are cow brains, not people's. I am a zombie, not a weirdo.

4. Do you become alive at night?

-Nope. I am a morning person.

5. Are there more like you?

-Yes, there are many like me. Just keep in mind that there is a big difference between a zombie and a politician, bureaucrat or single-over-fourty.

6. Are you dead?

-Sure, and you can read dead people's blogs.

7. Are you a soul in pain?
-Yes, I have been married for a long time.

8. Are male zombies the same as female zombies?
-NO. Male zombies are from Mars and female zombies are from Venus.