Are We The Last Living Souls?

I don't think so...but I like the song though...

Zombie's Best Moments in Life I

Zombies enjoy life too. We treat ourselves with some indulgences. There is nothing more comforting than having an interesting conversation while pooping.

Rigor Mortis Zombie Style!

Oh yes...zombies also like going to the movies -and popcorn too-

Humans are Stupid! I

Humans always RUN when they see us. I guess they haven't realized that speed is something we lack of...

Game of Thrones, zombie style

I know... crazy isn't it?
And at the end there is nothing they can do about it.

Do Zombies Freeze?

Actually we do. Even though we can survive at -100˚C we still freeze, but what really bother us is BRAIN FREEZE!

From The Book of Knowledge MCIV

Zombies NEVER apologize. You are allowed to explain that you are sorry about the rule and explain that that's the way it is.

How Do I Know if I becoming a ZOMBIE?

Accordingly to the University of Florida (actual fact), these are the symptoms that you might have before you become a zombie -voodoo not included-

Hour 1:   Pain and discoloration of the infected area, immediate clotting of the blood.
Hour 5:   Fever (99-103˚C) , chills, slight dementia (starts to sound too close for comfort?), vomiting        and acute pain in the joints.
Hour 8:    Numbing of extremities, increase fever (by now it should be around 103˚C  - 106˚C ), increased dementia (YES, like your mother's), starts craving a Skinny Double Late from your local coffee shop, loss of muscular coordination (which proves that I was born a zombie... ask all my Gym Teachers)
Hour 11:    Paralysis in the lower body, overall numbness (like when you find your wife having sex with your best friend), slowed heart rate.
Hour 16:    Coma (NOT PERIOD)
Hour 23:    Reanimation

And I will add:

Hour 24: Sense of happiness, joy, immortality, finally you don't have to listen to Justin Bieber's "music" anymore and a sense of Zen.

Zombies have Families?

Of course we do...and we all love brains!

For example I really like brains with black truffles, the current wife, Carmela, (they tend to die on me) likes them scrambled with blood oranges, Santino -the teen- likes them with canabis but if we don't have any he will be happy just with the cannabis, Constanzia likes them with Haagen Daz's Mayan Chocolate bonanza and my little one, Federico eats them as is, warm and bare.

The dog and the cat eat leftovers so they don't count.

And....YES, zombies like The Godfather...

Regret...

I was going to make a zombie Yo Mama joke, but seems that EVERYTHING is politicly incorrect.  Censorship!

I Miss Grandpa!

OK, call me a romantic if you want, but, even zombies eventually die (I don't know how long means eventually ), but when I do I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Zombies Play Poker!

As you can see, I have proof, not that I need it. The first image is one of us having fun playing poker -and also we play Canasta and Bridge-.
In the second image you can see how playing cards with an actual dead person is not fun at all (look at their bored faces).
Zombies are FUN!

Can Zombies Swim?

Actually... we don't swim as per say. Three reasons for that:
1. We do NOT look good on Speedos (who does?)
2. We do NOT float -that does not mean that we avoid water bodies... we don't swim but we can walk underwater (we don't breathe...remember?)
3. We ONLY like 1,000 thread Egyptian Cotton Towels, which are very hard to find.

From The Book of Knowledge III

Everybody is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Do Zombies Survive Chemical Warfare?

Of course we do...If a zombie has gone through mustard gas and pepper spray we call him/her a "seasoned zombie"

Zombies Have DCHD !

That is right. We have Consciousness Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder... and I am proud of it. Deal with that.

Zombie's New Year's Celebration 2013

Not a lot quite frankly. Zombies love to have a peace and quiet end of the year. I for one will be watching my favorite movie with my kids... my wife left me again. Happy New Year Zombies!

From The Zombie Book of Revelations I

Chapter I, episode I, first Zombie Revelation. "God is an Atheist"... so why shouldn't I be one?

Zombie Hangover!

What a night. I celebrated Christmas until late... I really don't remember a lot... or nothing at all... or...what?

What do Zombies do in Christmas Eve?

We go out. We can't tolerate more Christmas music, trees, decorations and humans feeling the urge to buy whatever. Out is the only solution... it will keep our minds out of this craziness.

Is My Child... a Zombie? (gasp)

Not yet...but you are doing a terrific job bringing him to the Undead Side (sorry but if I use "Dark Side" George Lucas will sue me).

Life or Death... which one is better?

Undead for sure. You see...life is just a long and painful road to death whereas death is so final. Undead in the other hand is the solution. Join us.

Today I Feel Infernally Mortal...

I know, it is a weird feeling... It's easy to fight when everything is right but it is a different story when everything goes wrong. When all is right you are mad with the trill and the glory but when things have gone sideways you feel infernally mortal.

Are There any Chinese Zombies?

Sure, why not. Actually there are more Chinese Zombies than all in North America. They are quite nice even though we have no idea what are they saying. Funny creatures...

Zombie's Christmas Gift II

When I wake up -contrary to popular misconception- all I can think of is... I NEED coffee... so a nice one would be a nice present.

Who Else Feeds on Your Brain?

To start with...the therapists (" psychoanalysts " they call themselves...) and they tend to be scarier, creepier and less interesting than zombies...and, gasp, they CHARGE you for feeding of your brain!!!!

Zombies CAN Foresee the Future!

Well... actually humans claim they can (zombies can't). Oh I die of envy... if only I could see the future...

Zombie's Christmas Present Idea HIS/HERS IV

There is nothing like sharing love with others... that is why I choose this friendship necklace as my choice for a couple's Christmas Present 2013. Harts are so 70's.

Jobs For Zombies I

Zombies can work, for sure. I have decided to start a series on jobs that zombies can do. We are not quite fans of working, but it might give us something to do...

The first one that comes to mind is NINJAS. YES...zombies CAN be ninjas...just think about it: we are dead so nobody can actually kill us, we are quiet as we don't like to talk and we are not great listeners so begging for your life will do nothing to alter our intentions. Is all about training...

Ison...The ZOMBIE Comet!!!

That is right!
Ison the comet that was going to amaze us... according to NASA died when got to close to the sun. But...OH OH OH... it came back to life hours later!
So...now you know... there is such thing as a Zombie Comet...