From the Zombie Book of Etiquette MCIV

When engaging with a young human, under fifteen years of age, before eating his brains be polite and ask him his Christian name, so you can create a comfortable eating environment. If he is unresponsive -like most tweens are- then refer to him as "boy"

Lazarus... a Jesus Trick?

OK...we are celebrating Easter again... and the question remains. Was Lazarus the first zombie of our time?...or he was used as a propaganda instrument for Jesus' purposes... was it for real or smoke and mirrors?... the question remains...

From The Book of Knowledge IX

You can get everything in life...if you lower your expectations.

Did Zombies Watched Gravity?

OK...zombies go to the movies, a known fact. This zombie went to see this movie and didn't like the ending...until they released this one. Happy Zombie.

The Returned... Zombies or Not?

Humans are misinformed. Somehow they think that all zombies are created (created?) the same. They are so wrong. Zombies come in different forms being the ones with rotten flesh and eating brains the most popular.

Now... there are many other kinds, like The Returned, who happens to be people's deceased family... but they just wanted to come back and hang around the living. They don't crave for brains nor they can sleep. Nevertheless they WERE dead but NOW they are pretty much "alive" and sharing beer with their loved ones. That falls into the Zombie category.

Personally I like The Returned. They are a remarkable branch of the zombie species.  

From Zombies and Math

If humans can solve ALL problems with math, so they say (ie. Malaysian MA370), why can't zombies do the same?
Think about it...you fear us without math -you assume we are ignorants-...can you imagine your panic if you learn that we, as a fact, do all our planning using math?...Ha!

Zombies Only Need to be Loved!

That's all. Come near us and we will show you love...

Do Zombies Wear Tattoos?

Oh, there is no way in hell that we would allow somebody to burn our delicate skin and poison it with ink. We are as decayed as we can be... but fortunately we have humans for that.

Can Zombies Cook?

You bet!
Check this zombie's new cooking website... www.justaguycooking.blogspot.com, If I was not a zombie I so would learn how to cook like him.

Zombies don't Understand Art

We really don't understand art. I have spent one week just looking at this piece of art (AR 501)... is it "destructivism?

Myths and Realities of Zombies XXXIV

It is absolutely untrue for zombies to say that zombies only want one thing: brains. We also like sex -and Twinkies-

Are Zombies Flammable?

Actually we are. Thanks God that humans prefer to run like girls rather than confronting us... with fire. Fire hurts zombies, but don't tell anyone.

Are We The Last Living Souls?

I don't think so...but I like the song though...

Zombie's Best Moments in Life I

Zombies enjoy life too. We treat ourselves with some indulgences. There is nothing more comforting than having an interesting conversation while pooping.

Rigor Mortis Zombie Style!

Oh yes...zombies also like going to the movies -and popcorn too-

Humans are Stupid! I

Humans always RUN when they see us. I guess they haven't realized that speed is something we lack of...

Game of Thrones, zombie style

I know... crazy isn't it?
And at the end there is nothing they can do about it.

Do Zombies Freeze?

Actually we do. Even though we can survive at -100˚C we still freeze, but what really bother us is BRAIN FREEZE!

From The Book of Knowledge MCIV

Zombies NEVER apologize. You are allowed to explain that you are sorry about the rule and explain that that's the way it is.

How Do I Know if I becoming a ZOMBIE?

Accordingly to the University of Florida (actual fact), these are the symptoms that you might have before you become a zombie -voodoo not included-

Hour 1:   Pain and discoloration of the infected area, immediate clotting of the blood.
Hour 5:   Fever (99-103˚C) , chills, slight dementia (starts to sound too close for comfort?), vomiting        and acute pain in the joints.
Hour 8:    Numbing of extremities, increase fever (by now it should be around 103˚C  - 106˚C ), increased dementia (YES, like your mother's), starts craving a Skinny Double Late from your local coffee shop, loss of muscular coordination (which proves that I was born a zombie... ask all my Gym Teachers)
Hour 11:    Paralysis in the lower body, overall numbness (like when you find your wife having sex with your best friend), slowed heart rate.
Hour 16:    Coma (NOT PERIOD)
Hour 23:    Reanimation

And I will add:

Hour 24: Sense of happiness, joy, immortality, finally you don't have to listen to Justin Bieber's "music" anymore and a sense of Zen.

Zombies have Families?

Of course we do...and we all love brains!

For example I really like brains with black truffles, the current wife, Carmela, (they tend to die on me) likes them scrambled with blood oranges, Santino -the teen- likes them with canabis but if we don't have any he will be happy just with the cannabis, Constanzia likes them with Haagen Daz's Mayan Chocolate bonanza and my little one, Federico eats them as is, warm and bare.

The dog and the cat eat leftovers so they don't count.

And....YES, zombies like The Godfather...

Regret...

I was going to make a zombie Yo Mama joke, but seems that EVERYTHING is politicly incorrect.  Censorship!

I Miss Grandpa!

OK, call me a romantic if you want, but, even zombies eventually die (I don't know how long means eventually ), but when I do I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Zombies Play Poker!

As you can see, I have proof, not that I need it. The first image is one of us having fun playing poker -and also we play Canasta and Bridge-.
In the second image you can see how playing cards with an actual dead person is not fun at all (look at their bored faces).
Zombies are FUN!

Can Zombies Swim?

Actually... we don't swim as per say. Three reasons for that:
1. We do NOT look good on Speedos (who does?)
2. We do NOT float -that does not mean that we avoid water bodies... we don't swim but we can walk underwater (we don't breathe...remember?)
3. We ONLY like 1,000 thread Egyptian Cotton Towels, which are very hard to find.

From The Book of Knowledge III

Everybody is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Do Zombies Survive Chemical Warfare?

Of course we do...If a zombie has gone through mustard gas and pepper spray we call him/her a "seasoned zombie"

Zombies Have DCHD !

That is right. We have Consciousness Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder... and I am proud of it. Deal with that.

Zombie's New Year's Celebration 2013

Not a lot quite frankly. Zombies love to have a peace and quiet end of the year. I for one will be watching my favorite movie with my kids... my wife left me again. Happy New Year Zombies!

From The Zombie Book of Revelations I

Chapter I, episode I, first Zombie Revelation. "God is an Atheist"... so why shouldn't I be one?