Zombie Humor

Zombie Strippers ... The Movie

When we all thought that great cinema was dead... this movie comes to light. Step aside Coppola, Allen and all others...this is how you make movies, the rest is junk.

If you are a minor... don't watch the trailer... you might get ideas... and if you did watched the trailer ask your parents about these zombie activities, they will be pleased to have a chat with you.

Zombies love Saving

Some zombies like to save (go figure) and some of us do it with style even though the Winnipeg Humane Society is not happy about it.
Thanks to the immense creativity and good taste of our friends from thecheeky.com zombies can now save they hard earned money using what they call "the piggy bank of all piggy banks", which is made of a real piglet that has been taxidermied and inserted with what all piglets probably dream of as babies... a coin storage unit and a cork plug".


These money making creative zombies want $4,000 US for this environmentally friendly piggy bank. Also they claim that the piglets died of natural causes (oh, thanks God!).


Knowing my reading base I know that you are dying (funny..."dying") to get one. Do it now and you will get your amazing piggy bank for Christmas ... 2011, as it takes 12 months to make one of this guys.... start ordering!

Zombie Ad

Others use the internet, Tweeter, FaceBook...some are old fashion. We are hungry.

We All Know One....

I am telling you....

A Zombie Master Misrepresented

There is no doubt that Darth Vader is one of the most famous zombies of all times. Made zombie at a young age, he has given great popularity to our kind. If you want to talk power and presence ... this is your zombie.

Now, a fellow Japanese zombie-look-a-like wants to combine Darth's image with Hello Kitty. It is not only sad, its misrepresentation!

Zombies and Cars

There are Three kinds of zombies. The ones who really really like cars and they like to drive the fanciest, fastest more comfortable they can afford (and if they can not afford them, they dream about them)... then the ones who like them but don't want to acknowledge it -they live on denial- and those born to ride in public transit. I feel for them.

Zombie Woman on her CELL in 1928

Charles Chaplin's The Circus which was released in 1928 shows a scene where a woman is actually talking on a cell phone. I am telling you... we have been around for a long long time. We travel trough time. We know stuff...

Eye Of The Beholder IV

Did you know...

That the atomic bomb and the AK-47 were created in the same year and that there are close to 80,000  (although the official number is 25,000) atomic bombs in the planet of which 35,000 (officially 9,000) belong to the USA and that there are 100,000,000 (yes, that is one hundred million) AK-47s?... AND that the AK-47 is responsible of killing more than 250,000 people so far?

And people think that zombies are scary....

Copiapo's Rescue Nintendo Style

Underground Economy

Finally. A good ending. The 33 Chilean miners are alive and safe. Like most zombies in this planet, I like better alive than dead. It was about time to get ONE good news between the array of bad news that we are fed with everyday.

What saddens to this not-so-humble zombie is the marketing apparatus that has been built around something that started as a tragedy and ended as a triumph. CNN took the ordeal as its own and feed the people with 24/7 live coverage. CNN and the big TV corporations are masters of making money out of a tragedy as well as of amazing news. They capitalize everything. Everything.

Then came the personal stories, the Super-Mario, the infidel, the one with two wives, the young one, the eldest. Along came the book proposals, the movie deal, the eye ware branding, product placement, the proud Chilean flags, the president, the CEO of the company. What kind of power bar were they eating?...what deodorant were they using?... what was keeping their teeth clean?...where they using Oxi-Clean?

There are rumours that the mining company will declare bankruptcy, which means that the workers will get zero compensation for their ordeal and long term unknown side effects of what they went trough.

Many many people will make money out of this event, but I highly doubt that the miners will be between those.

Monkey Business II

My friend Tipu's throne

This incredibly beautiful god tiger head was part of the throne of my old friend Tipu Sultan, way back in 1780. Tipu was famous because his resistance to the British Empire.

The fate of Tipu was sealed when in 1799 the British forces killed him in the infamous Battle of Seringapatam. The problem was that the British wanted to keep full trading powers in exclusivity via their East India Company... and the indians were not happy about the deal.

The battle was lost and British Lt.-General Sir Thomas Bowser, a leader in the British victory was awarded some spoils from that war. This golden head was part of it. 

  This beautiful piece -studded with diamonds, rubies and emeralds- was part of Tipu's throne. Tipu was known as the "Tiger of Mysore" and is considered one of the strongest and best governors that India has had. He loved tigers and used to be surrounded with opulent treasures and to have adopted the tiger as chief symbol of his power. 

Tipu and I used to have Assam tea and talk about tigers. We both loved danger. He surrounded himself with tigers and... I got married. Same thing.

There used to be as many as 10 golden tiger figures like this one.. but they are lost (only three still exists that we know).  this one was just sold by a Canadian family (not mine) for $700,000 as it was inside of a box, in the attic, collecting dust.

Zombies love fast food Part II

Here my good old friend Jaime was trying to gross-out a bunch of brainless little zombies by showing them what a real chicken nugget is.

What Jaime did not know is that of all zombies on the planet, little zombies are stubborn as hell. Once they like something, you can do anything to make them change their mind but you will fail miserably.

The home made Nuggets are basically the same recipe than the one used by big fast food corporations, less the food colouring and the ammonia. He did use artificial food flavour, though.

Zombies LOVE fast food!

Yes we do. We don't care how its made or where it comes from... if it tastes good we are game. One of the fast food best sellers of all times are... Chicken Nuggets , those lovely finger food sized pieces of heaven that zombies enjoy and that are considered a healthy alternative (to, lets say...a Big Mac).

How are they made?

Well... they separate the chicken mechanically and they use the parts that don't have commercial value (skin, bones, joints, etc) and they mix it all to form a goop-like material, which looks pink and has tons of bacteria...then, to get rid of the bacteria they "wash" the goop with ammonia and then they add artificial flavour to make it taste, well.. like chicken. To get rid of the weird pinkish colour, they use artificial colouring and...voila!... you have the most delicious snack. After that they just use bread crumbs and deep fry them. 

Some of you will say... its better than Mexican street tacos... but I would say that at least there you know what you are eating...

The picture is real...

Zombies and fashion

I don't know where the idea that zombies are to wear rags came from. I am setting the record straight today. Not all zombies dress like beggars. If you are one of those who still believes that all zombies come from the graveyard you are so wrong. Some of us are from Rodeo Drive.

In 1932, Bela Lugosi was the main star in White Zombie (first zombie movie ever made) and you don't see them wearing rags (some of them do, but Lady Gaga does too!). 

Zombies are about myths. One of the most annoying ones is that we don't know how to dress. Zombies wear all sort of clothing. Some lack of taste, I must admit, but that is another problem, but some are actually quite fancy and are on top of the fashion trends. I recently meet a zombie that paid a five figure number (US money, not pesos) for a COAT. My kind of zombie.

I am thinking about starting a Facebook page-petition asking Armani to create a whole series dedicated to zombies. I am sure he will.

From the Zombie Book of Knowledge II

Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

I MUST BE A ZOMBIE!

Mexico's two hundred year independence celebration

I can not ignore it. In my personal point of view the best way of celebrating their 100th Independence anniversary (I was there) was what  Justo Sierra decided to do by creating a FREE university for any mexican who wanted to have a career...100 years ago.
Now, two hundred years from the independence, all mexicans got was fireworks, a parade and a 20 metre high plastic figure....

Zombie Moment 1

This Russian zombie just wanted to have some fun. It did not work out. Zombies must be aware of possible technology malfunction.

ZOMBIES taking care of our skin

It is very important that we look after our decaying body. Taking care of our sensitive skin is a must. I recommend using cream on our knees and heels, as they tend to get dry.

Human Flesh Quality

Not the greatest thing on earth. I prefer Kobe beef, no doubt. Nowadays it is in fashion to eat "healthy" and zombies are to choose between "organic" or "traditional" food. Because we are zombies, and lack of brains -mistakenly- is associated with us, the big food corporations are making us believe that if we keep eating those pesticide-who know where that is coming from- food we are going to get these horrible diseases like cancer and botulism. Yeah right.

The healthy alternative is now to eat organic food, which is supposedly grown in a clean environment and no pesticides or chemicals are used. Of course those so called advantages can not be certified so we must believe the growers that their claims are an actual fact. Also there is no proof that all non-organic food is bad for you. The key here is that organic food is WAY more expensive than traditional food and still leaves a huge food-print by the time is offered at our local super market. Fear is an amazing sales tool.

The question here is... is it true that what we eat will affect our health?... and if so... is it true that organic food is the solution?

Are organic humans healthier food for a zombie than regular Twinkie-Frito eaters?

I have seen organic strawberries, oranges, potatoes and organic meat. I have also seen (Wholefoods) ORGANIC WILD SALMON!... when I was at such mega expensive outlet I decided to ask the clerk at the fish counter..

-excuse me, is this fish actually certified organic?
Of course Sr. All we sell is certified organic.
-and... is this  wild salmon or is it farm?
We ONLY sell WILD, of course (with that look of "you are an idiot")
(My wife leaves the scene, leaving me alone in my important research.)
...and...HOW do you know what this fish has been eating if it is WILD?...how do you know it did not eat junk or food that was contaminated from, let's say, the gasoline from boats and the common pollution that is in our waters?
-because we only sell certified food, Sr. -annoyed-
...one more question
(more annoyed clerk looks with oh my God is this an idiot or what look)
Yes...
...what is the difference between THIS salmon and the one that they sell at the local fish shop?
(VERY annoyed clerk, raised voice)
-I told you Sr. THIS IS CERTIFIED ORGANIC.

I rest my case.

Because we are what we eat, I am a unhealthy as it gets. Not even the mosquitoes want to drink my blood. As I know I won't die, I don't actually care. I eat what I want and not what I am told to eat. My advice is: zombies of the world, please feel free to eat whatever you want, just with moderation. And please, don't eat zombies... that is just disgusting.

Zombie Goalie

Zombies also play soccer. This is the play of 2010...so far.

Eye of the Beholder IV

Dr. Zombie, if you don't mind

Call it Zombies 101: The University of Baltimore is offering a new class on the undead.

The course is being taught by Arnold Blumberg, the author of a book on zombie movies, "Zombiemania," and the curator of Geppi's Entertainment Museum, which focuses on American pop culture, according to The Baltimore Sun newspaper.

Students taking English 333 will watch 16 classic zombie films and read zombie comics. As an alternative to a final research paper they may write scripts or draw storyboards for their ideal zombie flicks.

The university isn't the first to have a class on the undead. Columbia College in Chicago has offered a course on Zombies in popular media for years, and at Simpson College in Iowa students spent the spring semester writing a book on "The History of the Great Zombie War."

ZOMBIEHUMOR

From the Zombie Book of Secret Knowledge 1

Life is sexually transmitted

Mexican Zombie Movie Official Trailer

Mexicans are celebrating their 200 anniversary of their independence from Spain. I found this movie trailer and decided to show it here...why?... why not.

Zombie Food Chain