A Great Way To Finish The Year

Here is a great video on how to enjoy the holidays... alone!
An end of the year celebration without a zombie is like a chocolate cake without chocolate. See'ya in 2011.

Do Zombies Marry?

Well... we used to but not that much anymore. In ancient times it was easier. A zombie would choose a bride and marry, go home and basically one was getting... free labour!

Nowadays female zombies are a bit smarter than before. Now they claim they have "equal rights" and that we have to share the workload. Not fair. And then, if things don't work out and we try to split, then most of the times we end loosing an arm and a leg in the divorce, and for a zombie that is too much to loose.

What To Do With a Grape And a Microwave?

After suffering from 24 hours of no power I decided to share some zombie ancient knowledge... how to create light. All you need a is grape and a microwave.
Next time there is no power in your place don't be stupid, just light up the room with a grape and the microwave. Oh my God... there are people with no brains!

Zombies are Afraid of The Dark

Yes we are. Zombies are sensitive creatures and we have fears, like everyone else. What we don't like about darkness is that there might be vampires and creatures of the night there... hidden in the confront of the night. We dislike vampires... they bite you. Stupid disgusting creatures.

Last night in Buenos Aires I was having a ball watching Do You Think You Can Tango on TV, when the lights went off...all night!. All I could think of was to go out and lit some bonfires to make vampires go away. I survived.

Thanks to Mario, a zombie with a camera. He took the photos... I was running and crying like a little girl. Shame.

Timing is Everything.

Thanks to the excitement that the holidays bring, I strongly support that this is the best time... to break up with your couple. She (or he) will not even notice... and, besides... zombies have no heart so who cares.

What do Zombies Get For Christmas?

Not what we wanted, that's for sure. Even though Christmas is one of the most beloved celebrations zombies have, we never get what we really want. Zombies are suckers for junk, so we go for the easy to give present: what TV and other media has told us that is the best bet to make our friends and families happy... things like a snuggy, the shake-weight, the kangaroo keeper, the vinyl bowler bag  or the pasta boat.

All I wanted was some spare parts. I got none. Humbogh.

Cheap Zombie Christmas Card

Zombies are divided regarding spending money. Some zombies are quite generous but other ones are plain cheap. How do we differentiate a generous one from a cheap one?... easy, the cheap ones send Christmas e-cards (or  Holidays e-mails which is even worse).
Merry Christmas to all zombies in the world! (please re-send this e-card to your friends... its cheaper than mailing one).

Confident Zombie Mantra Number 76

Zombies are like the weather. We pay no attention to criticism.

How Dangerous is a Zombie?

Not much, really. It depends what kind of zombie you encounter. Some zombies are kind and well-mannered, others are... well... evil -like landlords and customs officers-. You must allow some time to get to know a zombie. Most people just run away and they don't give us a chance to socialize. We feel that that is rude. Actually, it hurts our feelings.

Do Zombies Have Sex?

Absolutely. Why not?
Zombies enjoy pleasures of the flesh, no doubt. We not only like having sex but we like to watch other zombies doing the hanky panky. Zombies from Burundi are a bit shy contrary to zombies from the United Kingdom who are pretty much into "dogging". What is "dogging" you might ask (its OK... everybody is a bit ignorant). Well... dogging is where participants meet to have and observe ... sex, mostly in places like wooded lots, parking lots and public places.
Isn't that illegal? you might ask. Well...not really. Under the UK law, dogging falls into a grey area and police is unable to press charges. While indecent exposure remains against the law, unobserved public nudity or sex is technically legal.
With the help of social media tools, this fun activity is spreading like crazy. Just google "U.K. and dogging" and you will find thousands of websites about the phenomenon. If you are planning to visit the UK, then plan ahead.

Can Zombies Jump?

Oh yes we can. Contrary to another misconception created by the uninformed writers of The Walking Dead, we can jump, run, go up and down the stairs -although we prefer to use the elevator- and we even like to perform in front of dignitaries and religious figures, like the Pope.
We are pleasers. The day these friends performed in front of Benedict XVI (no to be mistaken with Benedict XIV) he was static. Look at his face...its like as if he was looking at angels.

Male Zombie Etiquette Rule Number 327

A Male Zombie must leave the toilet seat up as a courtesy for the next male zombie that needs to use the facilities.

(picture courtesy of Chronic Art Magazine)

Where to find zombies?

Zombies are everywhere. We are here, we are there. We are at work (we are zombies not slackers) and we read blogs, like, well... right now. But somehow we have the tendency to gather in places that make us feel... special. To illustrate the point a scientific-minded zombie has created this chart. This is actually quite accurate.

Zombies and Computers

Zombies love computers. We are highly technological creatures. We also like iPads, iPhones, laptops and all sorts of gadgets that start with the letter "i". Some zombies are MAC and some zombies are PC (go figure). What we dislike is installing all those programs that make computers work. It is annoying...but what is MORE annoying is that every time we install something on the computer we are asked "to agree" with a 10 page long user agreement that they know we will never read. And, if we don't agree, then we can't install the stupid program. That is blackmail.

Down of the Ted, a kid-zombie film

I always complaint that there are no good films for zombie-kids. They get bored quite a bit and they dislike playing zombie-killing games on the iphone. The release of Down of the Ted opens some hope for our children. I highly recommend this movie. No gore, no gimmicks...plain fun. It could come in 3D.

Zombie Christmas Gift Idea 1

Zombies love Christmas. Actually, we like to celebrate everything, from Halloween to 5 de Mayo. We are party animals...but Christmas somehow is special, its magical, it... has....presents! Zombies really like presents!
Here is one idea for you to give to your zombie-loved one. More ideas to come.
And please don't forget to wrap, we really really like to unwrap presents... the sound of ripping off tissue is so satisfying.

A Zombie Flute for a Fellow Zombie

To operate (zombies need instructions):
1. Take out of the box
2. Assemble as per instructions
3. Blow (with your mouth) where the RED CIRCLE shows
4. Place your fingers covering the other holes (the flute's ones)

Lacking fingers can represent a problem. If that is the case, change instrument, I suggest the bongo.

From the Book of Zombie Wisdom VI

Whenever I feel blue... I start breathing again. It works.

The Walking Dead, Chapter 1. Misconceptions.

I started watching a TV show called The Walking Dead. I just saw the pilot ...and let me tell you... its full of misconceptions and myths. I won't name them all but I feel compelled to talk about one in particular that bothers me: the black guy with the child tells the all-american-clean shaved-sheriff uniform-wearing character that "zombies can't talk"... that "everybody knows that".

Excuse me!... We DO talk. Why not?.... there is the misconception that zombies are brain dead... those are called estupidos, not zombies. We can talk, sing, chat, tweet and email. Sometimes we google. So, please The Walking Dead writers... do your homework.

I won't even dignify the gruesome killing of the female zombie with the lower part missing. I am writing a complaint letter about that to the Zombie Rights Commission. That is discrimination.

The Last Thing You See When You Die

This is a question I get a lot. What is the last image you see when you die?... is there a light at the end of the tunnel?...
How in the world would I know that?????

I am NOT dead, just yet. I am a zombie, not a ghost. But if you ask me, this is my rendering of what you should experience when you die. Please let me know if I am right. I am dying to know ....

(Picture with regards to my friend the Silent One)

Steal from a Zombie... if you can

Zombies are creative, no doubt. These zombie- German fellows have found a way to keep their bikes safe from being stolen. We are working on the patent for this item for other things like guitars, coffee mugs and kids, so next time you go for a drink, just clip-on your zombie-kid and get into the bar and have fun. Also could work for pets.

Zombies and Mozart

Thanks to the keen eye of Christschurch's police in New Zealand, now we know that some zombies and Mozart don't mix. The city has reduced crime by 95% (from 77 incidents in 2009 to 2 incidents in 2010) thanks to an innovative solution: by using Mozart's music through loud speakers in the commercial areas.

This makes sense, accordingly to musicologist Lily E. Hirsch, who has documented that classical tunes signal to undesirable zombies (not me) that they don't belong in a given environment. They have applied the same solution at British Columbia's 7-eleven stores back in the 70's with great success, so this seems to work just fine.

I will conduct my own experiment: I will play classical music when the wife is around. I will let you know what happens. You never know. Freedom seems near!

Zombie's best friend

Zombies are solitary beings. We like to go trough life lone, unless we have a faithful friend that meets all zombies requirements:
a) Your pet is quiet (we hate noise)
b) Your pet is not needy (that discards teens right off the bat)
c) Your pet will last as long as you do (we don't die -been there done that-)
d) Your pet is economical (no more dry food)
e) Your pet does not poop on your floor nor you get fur balls on your carpet.


That basically narrows it don to... pet rocks!, yes, that amazing little loving creature that was discovered way back then in the 70's. They are amazing. I love mine and I know she (mine is a she) loves me back.


If you want to get one of these babies, nowadays you can find them in a more contemporary form, that is... a USB Pet Rock. YES, a USB version of it. Can't get better than that. And, if you were concerned if your per rock is MAC or Windows compatible... it doesn't matter.... it works with both systems (also Linux).


If you are a pet-loving-zombie as I am... you will love your USB Pet Rock. I guarantee it.